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EnviousDominous
07-25-2019, 01:38 PM
Good evening friends, and welcome to; Tales of Badassery.

I am your host EnviousDominous, and tonight I will recite to you a play that I've written based on one of the many random badass exploits of Dick Slater.

*Tommy "Wildfire" Rich sits at a table in a popular Tampa bar*

Tommy: Loop-de-doop-da-doo! I am WILDFIRE Tommy Rich!

*A random man approaches Tommy Rich.*

Random guy: WHAT'S UP TOMMY... BIIIIITCH!

Tommy: Hmm? I don't know. I'm not from around here. I'm a big time professional wrestler and...

Random guy: I FUCKED YOUR WOMAN TOMMY! SHE WAS ALL "OH YEAH! RANDOM GUY! THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN TINY TOMMY!

*Tommy laughs hysterically*

Tommy: Those are her mannerisms to a T! You're pretty funny. Have you ever heard of this Steve Martin guy?

Random guy: FORGET YOU PUNK!

*Random guy begins to storm out of the bar, when a loud voice shouts from a seat at the bar of the bar*

Loud voice: NOT SO FAST KID!

*Random guy turns around and glares at the bar of the bar*

Random guy: Who produced that loud voice!?

*Dick Slater, Wahoo McDaniel and Andre the Giant all spin on their barstools in tandem until they're able to see the random guy*

Andre: HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE MERV GRIFFIN!

Merv Griffin: That's right fatso! Who in the fuck are you!?

Andre: I am Andre the Giant.

Dick Slater: I am Dick "Don't call me the bruiser" Slater.

Wahoo: I am Wahoo McDaniels.

Tommy: I'm Tommy!

Merv Griffin: FUCK YOU TOMMY! I HAVE CRABS THANKS TO YOUR WIFE!

Tommy: Whatever, I have to pee-pee.

*Tommy leaves the bar so he can pee in the parking lot of the bar*

Merv Griffin: I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

*Merv Griffin attempts to storm out of the bar after Tommy Rich, but is blocked by Wahoo McDaniel*

Wahoo: Going somewhere princess?

Merv Griffin: I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!

Wahoo: Kid, you've got to be suicidal!

Merv Griffin: SUICIDAL IS GETTING IN MY WAY!

*Wahoo grabs Merv Griffin by the collar, and yanks him outside where Tommy is peeing against the wall with his pants completely down.*

*Dick turns to Andre*

Dick: Hey Andre, want to see how this turns out?

Andre: Not really, but whatever. I'm drunk.

*Dick and Andre stumble outside and see Wahoo McDaniel backhand Merv Griffin while Tommy Rich pulls up his pants*

Tommy: What's going on!?

Merv: WE'RE FIGHTING!

*Wahoo backhands Merv again, causing Merv to stumble and fall to the ground.*

Wahoo: ONE CHANCE! YOU CAN APOLOGIZE OR DIE!

Merv: I ain't afraid of you bitch!

*Wahoo pulls a handgun from his pants and points it at Merv*

Merv: Umm, you know what. I think I'm satisfied with myself, and I humbly apologize.

Wahoo: APOLOGY ACCEPTED!

*Wahoo whacks Merv in the face with the handgun, knocking him unconscious while lying in a puddle of Tommy Rich's pee. The gun goes off, and a bullet rips into Dick Slater's knee.*

Andre: HELP! POLICE!

*The Big Boss Man arrives on the scene*

Big Boss Man: What happened here!?

Andre: You're not the police.

*Three weeks later, Dick Slater recovers from a bullet wound to the knee and wrestles as scheduled in Japan.*

Big Nick Dudley
11-28-2019, 06:29 PM
He was one hell of a woman beater, too. Ask Luna Vachon. Well, you can't ask her, but you get the point.

Echelon
11-28-2019, 06:35 PM
This is a play I'd pay to see.