Spidey's Snack Shack | Cult/Horror Review & Recipe Thread
Welcome to the diner at the edge of town, baby! I'll be your host this evening, delivering for your culinary pleasure the media that interested me enough (for better or worse) to hunt down and stock in my kitchen. I'm offering reviews served in nice bite-sized portions, easy to digest but leaves the palate wanting more. Your entree also comes with a side order - recipes I found that relate back to the shows/movies in some way. So go ahead and find yourself a booth or a table. Put a quarter in the jukebox, look over the menu, and settle in. I'll be right with you after I sharpen this knife.
All reviews are spoiler-free. The same cannot be said about the food. Chew carefully.
#1: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Appetizer: Billboard #1 Song At The Time
Gonna kick this off the right way with Number One. TTCM holds up impressively well for a movie that came out around the same time President Ford took over for Richard Nixon. It's best known for being a gory horror flick, often cited as setting a new standard for slasher films. You would be surprised by how much blood is in the film, however (Seriously, there's more blood in your average AMC series. Tobe Hooper does a fantastic job selling the psychological here. Implied horror is far more terrifying than buckets of that red kroovy).
Leatherface is the personification of fears and prejudices that still exist today. Many fans lambaste the decision to portray him as transgendered in later films, though I assume they forgot he was in full makeup, wigs, and kitchen apron here in the original... also seen acting as if he were the housewife of The Sawyers. I don't think it's a coincidence that he is this way right when Disco, a genre popularized by several groups including the LGBT community, took center stage. He's also shown to have a mental disability, a common staple in Horror films, true, but while an entity like Jason Voorhees is similar to a zombie killing machine, Leatherface is the subject of abuse by the other villains of the movie. This paints Leatherface in a different color than later executioner-esque monsters.
TTCM tackled a growing fear at the time: changes made by modern industry. The Sawyers are a family of slaughterhouse workers whose livelihood stemmed from handling cattle "the good old fashion way" by caving their heads in with hammers. It is mentioned sporadically that industry had changed from that practice to using a nail gun in order to be more humane. I'd argue viewers are witnessing a bit of that cultural backlash in the guise of insane killers, as they had lost their jobs to this evolution in industrial capitalism. At its core, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is about the country boys finding refuge from new technology in the most twisted of ways.
Sprinkle a little Ed Gein for flavor and a classic is born. If you're in the mood for an oldie but goodie, try this (dis)comfort food.
💀 💀 💀 💀 💀
Tonight's Special: Classic Chicken Fried Steak
AKA Country Fried Steak is believed to have been invented in Texas. It is a staple in Southern cuisine.
Also, cows.
INGREDIENTS (Serves 4)
4 quarter-pound cube steaks (pre-tenderized) or round steaks
A sprinkling of salt for pre-salting the meat
2 cups of flour for breading
2 teaspoons Kosher salt for breading
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup milk
Canola oil, rice bran oil, or other high smoke point oil or fat for frying
Gravy:
3 Tbsp pan drippings
3 Tbsp flour
1/4 cup whipping cream
1 3/4 cups milk
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1. Pound steaks to an even thinness: If you are using round steak instead of the pre-tenderized cube steak, you will need to pound the steaks thin or they will be way too chewy. (Already tenderized cube steaks can also use some meat mallet attention to get more thin.)
Place each steak between two pieces of plastic wrap. Using a meat mallet, rubber mallet, rolling pin, or empty wine bottle, beat the steak until it is very thin, less than 1/4-inch.
As you beat the steak, you will want to turn over often, and spread out the plastic wrap which tends to wrinkle as you work.
2. Salt meat, preheat warming oven: Sprinkle a little salt over the meat. Preheat the oven to 200°F. In the oven put a wire rack over a baking sheet. This will keep the finished steaks warm and dry while you cook the gravy.
3. Dredge steaks in flour, egg, and flour again: Prepare two wide, shallow dishes such as a pyrex casserole dish. In the first whisk together the eggs and milk. In the second, whisk together the flour, salt, cayenne, and garlic powder.
Working one at a time, dredge a steak into the flour. Using the heel of your hand, press the flour into both sides of the steak.
Lift up the steak, shake off the excess flour and dip the steak into the egg wash, coating it on both sides.
Lift the steak out of the egg wash, shake off the excess egg wash, and then dredge the steak again in the flour. Again, press the flour into the steak on both sides.
Set aside on a plate. Repeat with remaining steaks.
4. Fry the steaks: Pour enough oil in a large frying to cover the bottom by 1/4-inch. Heat the oil to 350°F or when you drop a little flour into the oil it sizzles. If the oil doesn't sizzle it isn't ready, if it burns, the oil is too hot, reduce the heat.
Working one at a time, lay a flour-egg-coated steak into the hot oil. Gently shake the pan a little to wash a little hot oil on the top of the steak. Or you can use a metal spoon to spoon some of the oil over the steak. This sets the coating.
Fry until you see the edges of the steak turn golden brown, about two minutes. Carefully turn the steak over in the pan, and fry for two more minutes.
Once both sides of the steak are golden brown, tip the steak up with a metal spatula to drain the excess oil. Remove it from the pan and place if on the wire rack in the oven to keep warm. Repeat with the remaining steaks.
5. Make a roux with fat and flour: Turn off the heat of the pan. Pour out all but about 3 tablespoons of fat from the pan. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of flour and turn the heat on to medium.
Let the flour mixture cook until it's the color of milk chocolate, about 4 to 5 minutes, stirring constantly.
6. Stir in milk and cream to make gravy: When the flour fat mixture is smooth and a lovely milk chocolate color, slowly add the milk and cream, whisking constantly. Note that the mixture will seize up initially, and will loosen as you whisk in more liquid.
Add milk to your desired thickness for gravy. If the gravy is too thick for you, add more milk. If it's too thin, let it cook longer.
Season with salt to taste. Season with lots of black pepper, to taste.
Serve chicken fried steak with the gravy and a side of mashed potatoes.
#2: The Legend of Billie Jean
#2: The Legend of Billie Jean
Appetizer: Billboard #1 Song At The Time
We're still representing Texas here with the lost gem that is The Legend of Billie Jean. Popular rock goddess Pat Benatar supplied the theme "Invincible" for this particular movie, and that's pretty fucking awesome (peaked at #10 on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart on September 14, 1985). Some GLOW fans will recall this song playing when Zoya the Destroya faced Liberty Bell in the Season Finale. Still, this film has kinda gone to the wayside in terms of popularity and reviews for it are uncommon. This is a shame because it's a rather interesting tale of a small incident spiraling out of control through media coverage - something all too familiar in today's world. A teenage girl from the trailer park becomes an icon for the youth gone wild via the craziest of circumstances, and the context of the story shifts from exposure = good to the toxicity of hero(ine) worship.
Sadly one thing does drag this movie down for me, and it's Yeardley Smith (voice of Lisa Simpson). Her character Putter has what I call a severe case of Scrappy Doo: small person built to be a bad ass coming off as an insufferable whiner. Throughout the movie she's there as comic relief sans jokes. She does what little bastard children do in movies - grab a bunch of candy, complain, whine about needing food aka candy, rinse and repeat. Her voice is what you imagine it to be.
You could write a college thesis on Billie Jean. The feminist symbolism is strong with her as the parallels to Joan of Arc become blatant as the movie progresses. Social aspects of the movie are pretty staggering as I eluded to previously with news media going nuts - even radio stations begin to ask her to drop by and pick up a new scooter, the plot device to the entire movie. There is a drizzle of lower class vs. the upper class mixed in as well. There's enough film theory here to fill a book, that's for sure.
It's dripping with corny nostalgia, so you gotta sip slowly. Not a very believable piece of cinema, but then again neither were the 80s. Fair is fair.
💀 💀 💀 1/2
Tonight's Special: Chocolate Malted Milkshake
Putter's insatiable appetite for sweets gives us this sugary, almost forgotten treasure of a concoction.
INGREDIENTS (Serves 2-3)
2 1/2 cups chocolate ice cream
1/2 cup original flavor malted milk powder
1/2 to 1 cup whole milk
Sweetened whipped cream, for garnish
Halved malted milk balls, for garnish
1. In the container of a blender, combine the ice cream and malted milk powder.
2. Add the milk, a quarter cup at a time, blending between each addition, until the desired consistency is reached.
3. Garnish with whipped cream and malted milk balls.
#4: Twin Peaks (Season 1 & 2)
#4: Twin Peaks
Appetizer: Billboard #1 Song At The Time
Who killed Laura Palmer? A question that plagued viewers even after the big reveal. Twin Peaks is perhaps David Lynch's most notable work outside of Eraserhead, and his own personal style is fully presented here. It's a deeply atmospheric, dreamlike show that's first season raked in a great deal of acclaim at the time. A strange mix of horror, comedy, noir and intrigue, it helped inspire other offbeat fictional worlds like Silent Hill and the modern Riverdale.
I wouldn't call this binge-worthy, as it takes its time developing character and their subplots over the big picture, but then again this show was popular at a time where shows were meant to be watched one episode at a time in the week. Plenty of time to mull things over at the water cooler. It also falls into an old soap opera aesthetic with a sappiness that isn't for everyone.
A deeper meaning is a little hard to decipher as well, but then again this is David Lynch. Explaining this show is like explaining a dream. This is the type of stuff you just have to put your seatbelt on and see where the driver takes you. Believe me, it's an unfamiliar road, and deserves a better navigator than me to tell you where we're going.
If you have some time to kill and you're looking for a unique experience, grab a cup of coffee and feast on this perplexing mystery. See you again in 25 years.
💀 💀 💀 💀 1/2
Tonight's Special: Homemade Cherry Pie
Everybody is obsessed with the cherry pie at the local diner, so it was only natural to include it.
INGREDIENTS (Serves 8)
Chilled pie dough for top and bottom 9-inch pie
4 1/2 cups pitted fresh cherries, see note if using frozen or canned (2 1/2 pounds, unpitted)
1/4 cup (30 grams) cornstarch
2/3 to 3/4 cup (135 to 150 grams) sugar, adjusted accordingly to sweetness of cherries
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon cold unsalted butter, cut into small squares
1 egg yolk
1 tablespoon heavy or whipping cream
Additional sugar for topping crust (coarse sugar is a nice option)
MAKE FILLING
Heat oven to 400 degrees F.
In a large bowl, stir sugar, cornstarch, vanilla extract, almond extract, lemon juice and the salt together then add cherries. Gently toss to combine. Set aside.
PREPARE AND FILL CRUST
Remove half of dough from refrigerator and let sit at room temperature for 5 minutes. On a lightly floured surface, roll out dough to a 13-inch (1/8-inch thick) circle. (Occasionally, check if dough is sticking to the surface â?? add a small amount of flour when necessary).
Check for size by inverting pie dish over dough round. Look for a 1-inch edge around the pie dish. Carefully press the dough into the dish.
Spoon cherry pie filling into pie crust. Discard most of the liquid pooled at the bottom of the bowl. Dot filling with little squares of cold butter.
TOP PIE
Roll out second half of dough then top pie. Use a knife or pair of kitchen scissors to trim dough to within 3/4-inch of the edge of the dish.
Fold edges of top crust underneath edges of bottom crust, pressing the edge to seal it so that it creates a thicker, 1/4-inch border that rests on the lip of the dish. Then, crimp edges by pressing the pointer finger of one hand against the edge of the dough from the inside of the dish while gently pressing with two knuckles of the other hand from the outside. Refrigerate dough at least 20 minutes or freeze for 5 minutes before baking.
BAKE PIE
Just before baking, make egg wash by whisking egg yolk and cream together in a small bowl. Use a pastry brush to brush over the top crust. Then, sprinkle with 1 tablespoon of sugar. Then, cut 3 to 4 slits in top of pie.
Bake for 20 minutes then reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees F and bake an additional 30 to 40 minutes longer, or until the crust is golden and the filling is thick and bubbling. Cool pie at least 2 hours, preferably 3, before cutting to allow filling to set.
Note â?? It might be helpful to bake the pie on a baking sheet covered in aluminum foil so any juices that drip over the pie dish are caught.
#18, 19, & 20: The (Unofficial) Neon Trilogy
#18, 19, & 20: The Neon Trilogy
Special Reservation Via Invitation. ������
Appetizer: Director's Filmography
Let's kick this trilogy off the right way by discussing the neo-crime film Drive. When it first came out, it made a lot of people angry in theaters because the trailer made it seem like a popcorn action flick. It isn't. Far from it really. But that bait-and-switch pays off with a linear story executed fantastically. This is Ryan Gosling at his best - a broody yet caring protagonist who is swallowed up by the criminal waters of Los Angeles. A stuntman turned getaway driver smacks of B movie fun, but there are so many additional elements to this it makes my head spin.
The music, while jarring at first, is icing on the cake in what is obviously aiding the movie in paying homage to what we like about the 80s. Lighting gives this (and the rest of his work) a cool synthwave vibe to them and since I love that kind of music, this gets brownie points from me.
It's a simple tale of doing right by doing wrong. There may be a bit more patience required for the juicy bits, but that makes it all the better for me. Don't expect explosions, but there will definitely be blood.
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Next I want to briefly examine The Neon Demon. I watched this with a few friends and by the end they were emotional wrecks. SO of course I loved this film. The characters were way more lively than they were in the other two, and I can see why most label this one Horror, but for me it wasn't really Horror. It was a drama with horror undertones followed by a hell raising third act. Sort of in the same sense Hereditary is, where it's not apparent you'll get gruesome, but oh you will.
I noticed by this movie that Refn has a thing for pacing. It's unconventional and requires the audience to stay with the character even if what they're doing isn't exciting. He holds on to a shot, and it gives the film a dreamlike essence.
Fine enough film for arthouse horror. It isn't grip-you-by-the-balls terrifying, but it does something different with a archetype we've seen a hundred times plastered on billboards and magazines. Fair bit of fashion industry critique also makes this a pleasant ride with an unpleasant detour.
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And that brings us to Only God Forgives. This movie is the odd-man out. For half of it I was getting a hard David Lynch-vibe (right? Not from the dark supermodel nightmare but THIS one), with several moments reminding me of Blue Velvet. Gosling is still the quiet brooding protagonist, but this time there seems to be focus on him standing or sitting around compared to Drive, and no gentler side to fall back on. Gosling spends a third of the movie just staring at hookers. At least in the car flick the setting was visually stimulating and the music made you pay attention. While the set pieces and lighting were gorgeous here, it never really offered anything narrative-wise. Dialogue was also so flat and uninspiring it had to remind the viewers "Hey, Ryan is going to kill someone, we promise, this is a revenge story, just wait some more."
When people use the phrase "all style and no substance", this movie comes to mind for me. Count all the scenes that play with orange and blue colors. Make a damn drinking game of it.
I will give Refn and this movie in particular its props - stylistically it's a treat. Characterization with focus on what the cast is doing, wearing, etc. is superb, practically Tarantinoesque. When we finally, finally get around to violence, it goes above and beyond the other two films. Nobody is relatable in this movie but at least their blood is the same as ours.
If you haven't seen any of these but want to go on the journey, I'd start with this course first to get it out of the way.
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My Overall Take
There is one word that describes Refn, and it's aesthetic. Like Wes Anderson and Hitchcock, it's easy to pick up on who it is that's directing the movie. That's the mark of a true film auteur. His worlds are pretty but also seedy, full of bittersweet vengeance and understated lines. It is insane to know that this director is also colorblind, because when it comes to lighting and color choice, he is a champion. Old Hollywood meets millennial flavors in these films, and it's well worth price of admission let me tell you. Subdued until it can't be anymore, this kinda sorta trilogy is a thinking man's action movie gauntlet. Be prepared to shift in your seat and soak in the purple and pink spectacle.
Tonight's Special: Grilled Fish Tacos (Seal of Approval)
A colorful as well as appetizing snack for your movie going purposes, this recipe is a favorite of mine for those pleasant summer evenings.
INGREDIENTS (Serves 6)
Adobo-Rubbed Fish
4 teaspoons chili powder, preferably made with New Mexico or ancho chiles
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 pounds mahi-mahi or Pacific halibut, 1/2- 3/4 inch thick, skinned and cut into 4 portions
Coleslaw
1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream¼ cup low-fat mayonnaise
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
1 teaspoon lime zest
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 teaspoon sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste
3 cups finely shredded red or green cabbage
12 corn tortillas, warmed
1. To prepare fish: Combine chili powder, lime juice, oil, cumin, onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper in a small bowl. Rub adobo rub all over fish. Let stand 20 to 30 minutes for the fish to absorb the flavor.
2. To prepare coleslaw: Combine sour cream, mayonnaise, cilantro, lime zest, lime juice, sugar, salt and pepper in a medium bowl; mix until smooth and creamy. Add cabbage and toss to combine. Refrigerate until ready to use.
3. Preheat grill to medium-high.
4. Oil the grill rack or use a grilling basket. Grill the fish until it is cooked through and easily flakes with a fork, 3 to 5 minutes per side. Transfer the fish to a platter and separate into large chunks.
5. Serve the tacos family-style by passing the fish, tortillas, coleslaw and taco garnishes separately.
Watch Party #1: Silent Night Bloody Night (1972)
This time of year is a busy one for your hash-slingin' arachnid, so instead of serving up a new order right away, we're gonna have ourselves a little party. This year I'm going with the non-classic called Silent Night Bloody Night. Eventually I'll get a review up for it, but for now all patrons are more than welcome to watch it with me and draw their own conclusions on whether it sucks or not (public domain!). Do you dare press play and risk watching a terrible movie? It is in your hands my friends.
Seasons Greetings from my little diner on the edge of town to yours. Santé!
#25: Silent Night, Bloody Night
#25: Silent Night, Bloody Night
Appetizer: US Billboards Top Song At The Time
Silent Night, Bloody Night aka Night of the Dark Full Moon aka Death House (or Deathhouse) is an American horror that brings to mind the slasher genre but also has roots in psychological drama. Set during Christmas Eve, a man inherits his family's estate that was once a mental correctional facility. A string of murders happen shortly after. This movie is notable for having a cast that were in the famed artist Andy Warhol's inner circle - Mary Woronov, Ondine, Candy Darling, Kristen Steen, Tally Brown, Lewis Love, filmmaker Jack Smith and artist Susan Rothenberg. This movie should not be confused with Silent Night, Deadly Night (I made that mistake) and is in the public domain.
It is also notable for being one of the first horror films to use the "telephone call to the victims" trope seen in movies such as Black Christmas, When A Stranger Calls, One Missed Call, and Scream.
Ever watch a movie where you kinda trudge through, see blips of brilliance, and poof, the end? That's how I felt watching this movie. It was serious enough to not fall under camp, but it was also not serious enough to give enough realism to its characters. Atmosphere is impeccable minus the bad lighting when it's shot outside in the night. Acting wasn't great but it wasn't laughably bad - in the end I kinda wished it would be. This horror is fairly conventional with a mystery killer murdering people mostly off-screen. Outside of the two big twists in the film (and they're pretty great, but not decent enough to want to sit through this movie again),it was all played up more like a made for TV movie. I have a pet peeve about narration that tells us something we can figure out on our own visually, and this flick does it repeatedly.
Those blips of brilliance come to the viewer through flashbacks and even though it tried to give the flick some subtext about mental health, it wasn't enough to deliver a proper message. Conflicted, even. At the very least, I found the last ten minutes or so fairly riveting though I wished there was more bloody build.
For me, this movie didn't have enough period. It confused itselg into being a soap, a gothic tale, a horror, and a budding slasher but not enough to leave any lasting impression on any of the aforementioned genres - save the phone calls. To put it bluntly, it made me yearn for the end. If you were one of those that attended the Watch Party, I'm so sorry. I thought this one had the psycho Santa Claus guy in it.
May want to pair this one with eggnog. It's marked down, cuz it ain't Christmas no more.
💀 1/2
Tonight's Special: Old Fashioned Fruitcake
It's a holiday treat that's not really a treat. Also, a synonym for people suffering from their cognitive faculties.
INGREDIENTS (Serves 16)
1 Cup Butter, Softened
2 1/2 Cups Sugar
6 Eggs
2 Tablespoons Brandy Flavoring
4 Cups All-Purpose Flower
1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon
1 Teaspoon Nutmeg
1 Teaspoon Salt
1 1/2 Pounds of Ready Mix Candied Fruit
1 Pound Seedless Raisins
3/4 Pound Candied Pineapple
3/4 Pound Whole Candied Cherries
2 Cups Pecan Halves
Light Corn Syrup And Pecan Halves (For Garnish)
1. In a large bowl, beat butter, sugar and eggs with an electric mixer until fluffy, adding eggs one at a time until yolk dissapears. Stir in flavoring.
2. Sift together next 4 ingredients and mix thoroughly with butter and egg mixture. Work the fruit and nuts into batter with hands. Grease and flour a 19" tube pan.
3. Fill pan 2/3 full with batter. Bake at 275° for 3 hours. One-half hour before cake is done, brush top with corn syrup. Decorate with pecan halves and finish baking. Cool. If desired, place cake, wrapped in a wine-soaked cloth, in an airtight container. Store in a cool place for several weeks; this blends and mellows the cake.
