Show: WWE Elimination Chamber 2018
Date: 2/25/18
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole & Jonathan Coachman
Arena: T-Mobile Arena, Paradise, Las Vegas, NV
The show opens with a video about how dangerous the Chamber is and how important Wrestlemania. When I think a match that regularly injures people, I don't think pop-rap.
Elimination Chamber for the Raw Women's Championship:
Sonya Deville vs Bayley vs Mandy Rose vs Sasha Banks vs Mickie James vs Alexa Bliss (c)
Match starts slow and steady. The usual sign that it'll go long. Although for the women, it tends to point towards not enough spots planned for the designated length. That's exactly what happened as they just take it easy for the opening 5 minutes as we get close ups of the girls in the pods who are HORRIFIED. Great visual. Mandy Rose is #3 and we get what would presumably be the old WarGames 2 on 1 beatdown. No. Bayley dominates them. The Lethal Lockdown 1 on 2 special. They do eventually take over but its over halfway through the period. Deville stops Bayley with quite the Spear but soon enough, Sasha Banks comes in to even the odds. They double Hip Toss Deville against the wall and almost drop her on her neck. Rose just drags Sasha into the ring and physically dominates her with a Wheelbarrow Facebuster. She's damn strong. Sasha puts her in the Banks Statement and Bayley intercepts Deville leaving Sonya with no choice but to tap. Nice one there.
Mickie James enters with Cole calling her a Trailblazer. They have more trailblazers than the fucking NBA team in WWE. She beats on the Sasha/Bayley team as I wonder if a TNA writer snuck in. A big Thesz Press off the pod eliminates Sonya Deville. Sasha hits Mickie with a Backstabber and on the rebound, the Bayley To Belly finishes her off for more great teamwork. It also leaves Bliss and Sasha alone with Bliss and suddenly a game of Donkey Kong breaks as Bliss climbs with the others after her. Eventually she's cornered on top of a pod. Sasha pulls Bayley up but we get the surprising unabused "Long Live The King" spot with Sasha kicking Bayley to the ground with an evil grin. That's when the theatrics hit the tip as Sasha repeatedly fails to put either one of them away even after hitting a top of the pod Frog Splash to Bayley. Sasha yells that she's better at Bayley but is tossed off with a Super Bayley To Belly but we get more drama as Bayley is pinned by Bliss just before she can pin Sasha. Bliss looks for the Twisted Bliss and eventually hits it off the top of the pod to a standing Sasha who in a weird one, doesn't sell it and rolls into the Banks Statement, then rolling it to the ring. Bliss gets loose, Sasha again tries to go to the top of the pod but the desperation costs her as Bliss bounces her head off the pod and hits the IEDDT a la Andrade Almas to retain.
Rating 7/10: The theatrics were what carried it. The wrestling was only great when it came down to the last 3 but before it, sucked for the most part.
Alexa cuts quite the babyface promo before going full heel on the crowd while Sasha weeps on the corner. Selling out her best friend and getting more failure for it.
Braun Strowman says he'll make Brock Lesnar his "Beastie Boy". Little did he know, his Wrestlemania plans would face 'Sabotage'.
Raw Tag Team Championships:
The Bar (Cesaro & Sheamus) (c) vs Titus Worldwide (Titus O'Neil & Apollo wtih Dana Brooke)
African American jobber team gets sudden title match. Just in time for Black History Month. Always subtle, WWE. The Bar jumps before the bell but are quickly tossed out for a Tope Con Giro from Cre-Apollo. But then the match goes to hell as the crowd starts playing with a beach ball. The Bar tediously works Apollo for ages to the point that the commentators drek on about whether "game plan" is two words. Eventually Titus gets the tepid tag and hits his Goddamn horrible offense. He hits his Sky High (Clash of the Titus sounds damn stupid). Cesaro pulls Sheamus out and they go to leave but Apollo stops that with ANOTHER Tope Con Giro as Coach wonders if it was necessary. No. Apollo should've let them walk off and taken the count out win. Apollo goes for a Moonsault, gets knees, Titus is discarded and the Assisted Backdriver/White Noise/Celtic Cross/Air Raid Siren/Gravy Train retains the titles.
Rating 5/10: Dull as shit but aside from Titus, it wasn't all that bad.
After recapping the Asuka/Nia feud, we see a Kabuki mask on the ground we zoom and Nia stomps on it. Can we get more of that and less selfie promos? There's some actual creative effort here.
#1 Contender for Wrestlemania:
Nia Jax vs Asuka
Asuka starts with the kicks but Nia no-sells and powers through. Asuka sends her outside and goes for the Hip Attack but is kicked on the back, leading to Nia working it and hitting a Paul Burchill-stlye Curbstomp. Asuka tries a Heel Hook but she just looks like a koala hugging someone's leg. Nia continues dominant, Asuka gets out of a Torture Rack and tries Nia Jax' feared weeakness. The Guillotine. But she powers out of it with a Jackhammer. Its followed with a Samoan Drop but when Nia goes for the Hogan Legdrop Asuka gets out and mounts her comeback. She avoids a Banzai Drop (how many tributes to the 80's does this girl need?) and hits a Shinning Wizard, Nia tackles, her, goes for a damn running Senton Bomb, Asuka tries to roll away but Nia lands on her ankle. Nia hits the pole and the Cross Armbreaker sends Asuka to a 1 on 1 match at Wrestlemania.
Rating 8/10: The match was your tipical Nia/Asuka match. There's dozens to choose from. But sweet God was the crowd hot this and Nia showed she's gained lots of experience from all the previous matches. It's not a technical marvel but it did an unexpectedly great job of tugging the fans.
Alexa watches backstage worried but that turns to a smile when Nia attacks Asuka, crashing her through the barricade. Renee asks Alexa about Asuka and she says no one is ready for her. Brave girl.
Charlie is with Roman who says Paul and Brock are only here like 10 days a year and just talk. He does everything he says and is going to Wrestlemania. We know, dude.
Matt Hardy vs Bray Wyatt
Bray teleports to the ring after Matt's entrance but when the lights come on, Matt's not there. He starts giggling over the PA and sings Jeff's "Obsolete" song for a really weird visual. TNA song in WWE. Wyatt panics looking for him but when he looks under the ring, Matt appears on the stairs and jumps him. Bray repeatedly tries to fight but is just stumped by Matt's weirdness. He does the upside down pose on the turnbuckle and Matt just applauds him which the crowd follows along. He goes for the Twist Of Fate but it doesn't work. The match should've finished right there when they had something going. Instead, Wyatt plods on with tedious offense which leads to the crowd getting bored, cheering for Brother Nero, Rusev Day and ANOTHER BEACH BALL! Fuck these things. The commentators trying to say all these chants are to psych out Wyatt just makes this match dumber as they drag on through. Wyatt threatens a Uranage on the jagged edge of the stairs. Sure, dude. Matt mounts the comeback with a Tornado DDT and the Side Effect but the Twist Of Fate is countered with the Uranage. Wyatt misses a Senton a la Bubby Ray and a Sister Abigail is countered into a Twist Of Fate to put Wyatt out of his mysery.
Rating 5.5/10: Matt had something early on when Wyatt was psyched out. But this is a 2 hour show that needs to go 3:30 so we needed another 15 minutes of wrestling to pad it out.
Wyatt is helped up the ramp. If nothing else has shown how far he's fallen, that certainly does.
Ronda Rousey signing. Kurt Angle walks down followed by Triple H and Steph. They do the usual over-hype about how great Ronda is and she makes her way down. She BOMBS on the mic, stuttering in what looks like stage-fright. The crowd rags on her early but then 180's to cheer her. They have been REALLY weird this show. As she talks and gets ready to sign, Triple H and Kurt start arguing and Ronda asks whats going on. Then Kurt turns into a total troll saying Triple H and Steph are geniuses. They talked forever about how great it is to now have this person who humiliated them years ago under their palm. Triple H, ever the Lord Zedd, comically tries to shut him up but Kurt pops up with "On Raw, Stephanie said you're such a hasbeen even she could beat you." Triple H reasons its the flu relapsing. Kurt's turned this segment around with Triple H. Triple H send Steph away and tries to calm Rousey down but she just tosses Triple H through the table. The Steph hits her with her slap of doom. Ronda's face is beat red but also looks like she could make Jiren from Dragonball Super shit bricks in fear. Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa run off in fear. If anything, I want Ronda vs Triple H. Screw Steph and make Troll Angle, Ronda's manager. This went from terrible to great.
The commentators drag the show on with a long plug for Fastlane.
Then John Cena wondering if he has a road to Wrestlemania. Fucker, Zack Ryder gets on Wrestlemania and wins titles there. You'll be fine and this is stupid.
#1 Contender for the Universal Championship:
John Cena vs WWE Intercontinental Champion The Miz vs Seth Rollins vs Finn Balor vs Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns
"The following contest is the biggest Elimination Chamber Match in History!" Fuck off. After killing, I kid you not, 40 Goddamn minutes since the Ronda segment with Elias singing, videos and shit, the bell rings with Balor, Miz and Seth starting. Miz tries to team up with either Seth or Finn but is repeatedly tossed out. Miz come in and they trade spots for a while. Seth hits Miz with the Suplex/Falcon Arrow combo and a Doble Blockbuster before John Cena comes out. Big staredown between him and Seth but his Wrestlemania aspirations continue to be in question as he's teased with like 5 posible matches. He's quick to bust his 5 Moves of Doom, fisting Balor and Miz before being Stomped by Finn. Cena mounts Finn and Seth for the Double AA. The hell is this man's rush? Seth and Cena hit stereo Superplexes to set up Roman. They make these entrances very obvious. Roman dominates but Miz hits some DDT's and hits It Kicks to all 4 but is cut off by a Clothesline from Roman. Seth gets the Gotchlift Bomb, Cena a Samoan Drop and Miz a Ligerbomb and he then starts taunting Braun. Then the clock appears on screen with stumps him as he realizes Braun is next given Elias won the last entrance. I love that subtle fact that Roman shows fear at Braun and will actively avoid confronting him. It's been happening since the ambulance tipping. Braun comes out with a sign behind him "Braun Is Senpai". He is Senpai. And we all want him to notice us. Strowman-Senpai starts chucking people which prompts Cena and Seth to team up for a Double Suplex. They're Suplexed instead. Finn is thrown against Roman. Corey: "What's your weapon of choice? Oh, um, human beings". You could say he's beating a motherfucker with another motherfucker. Braun-Senpai goes after Miz and somehow beats him to the top of a pod. After bashing his head against the plexy he, Braun tosses him against the other 4 in the ring. Anime, Power Ranger spots, this is my kind of match. Braun discards Miz with a Powerslam and stares at Elias as its his turn to come out. He just closes the pod and Broly goes back to beating down the other guys but when he turns, they all team up and hit a Shield Powerbomb but Braun decides to no-sell that, the AA, the Spear, The Curb Stomp but the Coup De Grace finally leaves him outside on the railing. We have a quadruple down with prompts Elias to get in. He hits an Electric Chair Bomb to Roman, Braun comes in and eats the post which leads to Elias trying it on Braun. He can't and falls, leading to Braun eliminating him. The remaining 4 try to team up on Braun again with a series of moves, culminating with Cena trying a Plancha but irony of ironies, he's caught and hit with a Powerslam, killing his Wrestlemania aspirations.
Braun asks who wants "These Hands". The most out of nowhere catchphrase I can ever recall. One week he just has it and it's over. The remaining guys take turns to no success until another Coup De Grace, this one to the neck, sends Braun out. Seth and Finn go at it then Balor turns to Roman, hitting his Slingblade, Dropkick, Reverse Bloody Sunday and Coup De Grace but before he can cover, Braun just hits the Powerslam to save Roman and Wrestlemania as well as kill his own aspirations. Now alone with 2/3rds of The Shield, they double-team him but not long after, Seth turns on Roman. Braun returns prompting The Shield to come back together. Roman hits a Samoan Drop and a top of the pod Frog Splash from Seth is only good for 2. They surround Braun who just dominates both again. Seth goes for the Blackout but the Powerslam gives Braun his 5th elimination. After a big face off with the crowd cheering Braun and Cole saying Braun had the most dominating performance in Elimination Chamber history. Finn was the bluest wrestler in Chamber history. Braun hits the post and then goes through a pod, Roman spams Superman Punches, two Spears and Vince jizzes as Roman vs Lesnar II is oficial.
Rating 8/10: It was certainly a well structured match. Seriously, give WWE a multi-man gimmick match and they'll a surprisingly nuanced, detailed match to the point that it'll make Gedo blush. It planted a lot of posibilities. Aside from making the IC title worthless. That one accomplishment Cena has never had. I guess Cena is just screwed out of Wrestlemania.
Braun, as if he wasn't heavily protected already, kills Roman with several Powerslams and one through another pod. Seriously, why the hell do they insist on Roman so much?
Overall Rating 6/10: The Tag title match was the only truly bad match. The Wyatt/Hardy one went on WAY too long. The rest of the matches weren't bad per se nor was the Ronda segment but this was a 2 hour show stretched for 3:30. And they want 4 hours.
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