July 5th, 2019
Olympic Stadium, Montrael
Fireworks exploded across the large stage as Remarkable Mark Keaton and The Three Smokes Band rocked the jam packed Olympic Stadium filled with screaming RMK fans. A very sweaty, shirtless Mark Keaton grabbed the microphone stand and continued his rendition of the Rockin Telefrancais Theme.
"MARVELOUS! EXCEPTINALE! EXCELLENTE! Telefrancais! Yeah!"
He kicked over the stand dramatically and jumped into an excellent guitar riff. The fans ate it up. A sexy pineapple danced on the stage and people were body surfing. Mark threw his guitar and grabbed the stand as the song ended.
"I love you Montrael! Translation! Le Mark loveaux sans! Le goodbye everyone and au reservoirs!"
A few minutes later Mark was in the locker room backstage with the band, he draped a towel over his neck and sat back on the cold concrete wall. He lit a smoke as his band mates congratulated him on another amazing show. The tour just kept on rolling, last week Toronto, today Montrael and next week they were hitting up P.E.I.
The door opened to the locker room and in came their new road manager, a sweaty, balding swine name Silas, or Salad? Mark couldn't remember, the guy was new after all.
"Well, good show mates!" Silas or Salad pushed his fists into his meaty sides as he marched around the room, "one little problem though."
"Ya? What's that?"
"There's still a stadium filled with fans out there, waiting for you numbskulls to finish your bloody show!"
"I don't know what yer talkin about man," Mark flicked his smoke then quickly lit another one, "that was the show."
"You were out there for 35 MINUTES! How do you call that a rock concert?!"
"Hey, not my problem that people got a short attention span, but that was our whole show. You told us last time to not overdo it again when we went for 6 hours. So here we are dude, 35 minutes is perfect, it's like a longer episode of Three's Company."
One of the Three Smokes Band loudly giggled, clearly high as a kite.
"Come on knock on my door Mark, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
"Man, you gotta lay off that reefer."
"And another thing, I got my hands on the copy of the album you worked on for Global Records. Any clues as to why they turned you down? Don't answer! Slicer put your hand down! I'll tell you why, it's because the album name was Chop to the Heart, And I'm in Pain, you gave Sunset Flips, a bad name. Now let's take a little look at all the songs on the album shall we?" Silas or Salad took the Cassette Tape out of his pocket, he opened the case and unrolled the little cardboard cover inside, then opened it to show everyone the names of all the songs.
- Caught in the S.T.F
- Chop to the heart, and I'm in pain, you gave Sunset flips, a bad name.
- Welcome to the Turnbuckle
- You gotta turn Face, Face, Face
- Take me down to Suplex City
- Raise a little Hell in the Cell
- Don't Chop So Close To Me
- You Fireman's Carried me all night long
- Lariat in an Elevator
- Here I Go Again, getting Disqualified
- Life is a High Dropkick, I want to ride it most of the night.
"I'm thinking you might be a tad preoccupied in that skull of yours Mark, and it's hurting the band, mate."
Mark stood up, he took the towel off of his neck and threw his smoke, he lit another one, took another towel and put it on his neck, then sat down, he flicked the smoke then took a green towel this time and put it around his neck, then another one around his head and face. He then put a towel on his head and flicked his smoke.
"Hmmphh! Phhfffph!" He said defiantly through the towels.
"I'm sorry Mark, it's just the way it is. You know how things work, your head is just not in the game, my friend."
Mark removed the towels and stood up. Who is he kidding?! This tour is making all of us rich! Remarkable Mark Keaton is a household name in Canada, is he really thinking of replacing me?
"Yes, yes I'm replacing you. And yes, you were thinking out loud again. Everyone, meet Just Fabulous Frank, he'll be taking over Mark's position."
The band welcomed Frank, this middle aged dark haired guy, what he looked like wasn't really important. What was important was that Mark was out of the band now. Free to do whatever he wanted, that made him kind of happy, hell, he was really excited about the possibilities! A movie career? Mark Keaton is Die Hard in Canada!
"Hey Mark! Ha ha ha! Did ya hear man?! Some other guy is singing in the band now. I think we're, ha ha! Fab Frank and The Three Smokes Band now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!"
"Ya, I heard E-Brake, I heard. Good luck with the new guy, it's time I headed out on my new path, dude."
"Ya, ha ha! Good luck in your wrestling, don't kill anybody or anything...y'know?"
Good luck in my wrestling.......ya.....there's really no other place I want to go. It's time to go home.
July 28th, 2019......
Las Vegas , Meltdown Madness 161
Johnny Klamor was backstage talking to a member of the camera crew. He gave the young man advice of where to hold the camera to get the best shots and to always keep the interviewers square in the middle. Kind of molding the kid to replace him some day, in his own mind.
"Alright kid listen up, I'll help you record a bit here to get you used to how things work in WZCW. Might as well, I've got nothing better to do. At least you'll be ready once they call you to cover one of the vets on camera. Damn, you have the camera on a long extension cord backstage? That's a rookie mistake already! O.K kid, give me a second." Johnny straightened his blue tie and ran a comb through his hair. He cleared his throat and pointed at the kid to start rolling.
"Johnny Klamor here at Meltdown Madness and what a show we have been....O.K kid where are you wandering with that lens? Stay centered on me...what?"
Behind Klamor's shoulder, a pissed off Zhanshi wandered through the hallway, sweaty and clearly pissed off about his match. People gave him a wide berth as he stormed along.
"Here's your chance brat! Follow me! And watch out for that cord!" Klamor half laughed as he pulled on the cameraman and then chased down Zhanshi as he stormed past.
"Zhanshi, if I could get a word with you for one minute!"
Zhanshi turned around, an incredulous look on his face and the turning motion made a -SWOOSH- noise.
"You were just in a brutal Ultimate X match with Callie Clark and Alice Adams! What do you think about Callie's tactics to win the match and ultimately steal the victory away from you?"
"WHAT DO I THINK? WHAT DO YOU THINK I THINK JOHNNY?! MY SHORTS WERE TOO TIGHT! MY BALLS WERE CRUSHED IN THERE CAUSING ME TO LOSE CONCENTRATION IN THE MATCH!" The bad lipping was especially awful this time as Zhanshi waved around his arms in frustration.
"Tell me, now that you can figure out your attire to leave yourself some room down there, what is your next move in WZCW?"
"WELL, FOR STARTERS, I'M GONNA FIRE OFF A HUGE SHIT IN THE BATHROOM IN THE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM! I'LL SCREAM LIKE THIS WHEN I DO IT, AIGHEEEEEEEE!!!!! KAWASACEEEEEE!!!!!! THEN, I'M GONNA TRACK DOWN THAT CALLIE CLARK AND DEMAND SHE GIVE ME ORAL PLEASURE!!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"I HAVE A VERY SMALL PENIS!!!"
"O.K cut the feed kid, this guy is off his rocker or something."
The door between Klamor and Zhanshi bumped open, Mark Keaton staggered out laughing with a microphone in his hand. Klamor's face turned white, he considered running away as fast as he could, but then motioned for the rookie to turn the camera back on.
"The other voice guy had to take a break, so I wanted a job in WZCW and I applied to be Zhanshi's voice tonight!"
"That's some bullshit right there," Zhanshi said in clear English, "I quit." Zhanshi stormed off as the camera's were rolling again, he tripped over the extension cord but did a one handed cartwheel to recover, then he was gone.
"See that Johnny? Not even bad lipping that time!" Mark took his sunglasses off and gave Klamor a big smirk.
"I'm struggling to believe my eyes here, what in the world are you doing back in WZCW?!"
" I think it's pretty obvious old man, nobody wants to use the great Johnny Klamor for interviews, so I thought I'd come back and give you something to do, dude!" Mark slapped Klamor on the back, causing him to drop his mic.
"Sir, should we keep rolling?" A voice squeaked from behind the camera.
"Yes kid, yes! Follow me, I don't know where he's going," Klamor watched Mark stroll down the hall, almost walking and dancing at the same time, "or what he's up to. Just, uh, just be careful alright? We once did an interview by motorcycle. The guy has nearly gotten me killed a number of times. And watch that extension cord, you're gonna end up tripping both of us!"
Mark walked by a 40 inch plasma television on the wall, the show was on and Mikey Stormrage just countered an attack by Vlad, saving himself from falling with a tremendous counter move.
"There Klamor, that's why I came back. Listen to how these fans are reacting to Mikey Stormrage, that's what I want for myself dude. I want to fight the good fight, to help the good guys beat away the villains so we can stand tall and be heroic. It's not going to be an easy climb though man, I burned some serious bridges right across the company. Stormrage especially, I can barely sleep some nights thinking about that awful scream he let out when I broke his back and put him out of wrestling."
"Give me a break,Mark! You want to be a good guy? YOU?! There's nothing good about you at all!"
"You shut your mouth ass...." Mark ripped Klamor's beige sleeve right off of his sports jacket. He looked at the sleeve and immediately felt bad, he gave it back to Johnny.
"Look, look I'm sorry man, bad start. Let's start over alright? The good RMK doesn't do that. I want to be a good role model for the kids watching at home." He lit a smoke and turned to watch more of the match on the screen, Mikey was slowly climbing the turnbuckle with Vlad laid out on the table behind him in the ring, the fans were standing now.
"So have you signed a new contract Mark? There's no way they would allow you to just hang out back..."
"Hey, hey let's just relax on all the boring office talk about contracts and bla bla bla. I want to give a shout out to my man Triple X on winning the WZCW Heavyweight Championship man! YA! Even though he's still a bad guy and probably wouldn't have time for a dude like me these days, I'm still proud of him."
"Well, now that it looks like you'll be fighting on the roster again, what are your future goals?"
Mark watched the crowds explode as Stormrage jumped and gave Vlad a massive Game Over through the table for the win, he started walking down the backstage area again, "I want to make Canada proud of Remarkable Mark Keaton - The Wrestler- They already adore and worship RMK - The Rock Star- and now I'm going to take that extra step dude, I'm gonna fight for them and all my RMK fans and do my fucking best."
"That's good and all but you probably should reel back the F-Bombs if you want to be a role model there sailor mouth."
"Ya, good point, K-Mart."
Johnny Klamor and his rookie camera man followed RMK out to the parking area in the garage. Mark walked up to a solid black Harley and kicked his bike helmet up to his hand and flipped it on his head. He stepped over the seat and pulled it up straight. He turned it on and gave the machine some throttle, making it sound like a dragon just woke up in the garage.
"Any parting words for your fans?!!"
"MEH! This will probably be on the websites eh?! Well, whoever dares step in my way expect to be run over and decimated by the god of rock, the killer of ladies, the Canadian Bustin Machine! The twisted steel and sex appeal that makes em squeal till they feel like they ate a bad meal and are at the wheel and have to kneel for the REAL DEAL! They will be broken and beaten and LAY at the FEET of REMARKABLE MAAAARK KEATON!"
Mark squeezed on the throttle creating a loud thunderous roar as he pulled away, the extension cord on the rookie's camera caught the footpeg of the motorcycle and it immediately wrapped around him, the camera vertically tight on his body. Johnny Klamor calmly stepped to one side, avoiding the screaming teen as he was dragged all the way out of the garage to the street and around the corner.
Johnny Klamor smiled to himself, "Welcome back, chaos."
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