Chapter 3: The Canine Distraction
INTERVIEWER: Well, youâ??re looking great, man. Itâ??s been awhile since weâ??ve had you on the show.
Itâ??s true. Chris had forgotten all about what went into being a WZCW wrestler. It was much more than just training and preparing for matches. Autographs needed to be given, contracts needed to be signed, and appearances had to be made to sell the brand (of WZCW and the individual). In this case, Chris was appearing on the satellite radio show, â??Good Morning, Wrestling Fans!â?
CHRIS: Thanks. I appreciate that. Iâ??m really excited to be back.
INTERVIEWER: So, we know you are a different Chris K.O. than we last saw you. Youâ??ve talked about your family since your return. Youâ??re a dad now, right?
CHRIS: Yeah, I am. Here she is.
Chris shows a picture of his daughter Riley and his wife Astrid on his lockscreen. The Interviewer smiles as he looks at the picture.
INTERVIEWER: Aw, sheâ??s adorable. So, how are they taking the change? It canâ??t be easy. You went from being at home every night to suddenly traveling a lot with the WZCW show schedule.
Chris pockets his phone.
CHRIS: Itâ??s been good. Theyâ??ve been great through all of this. We actually moved closer to the airport in the suburbs. That way I can easily make it back whenever I can. My wife has been amazing through this entire transition. Sheâ??s always been very supportive. I canâ??t say enough about how great she has been.
INTERVIEWER: Thatâ??s awesome. Well, I canâ??t let you leave here without giving me your thoughts on the collosal match that was announced for Meltdown 162.
Titus. vs. Chris K.O. vs. Steven Holmes.
Wow, that is a match! I can only imagine that this has been just consuming your mind since you found out about going up against these two legends. Right?
Wrong.
Donâ??t get it wrong. Chris had been trying to give his full attention to this match, but suburban living had presented some distracting challenges. Enter Jimmy #2.
We see a shot of a lanky man in his mid-thirties with sunglasses and a sunhat. He has an air of ego about him as he stands on a sidewalk next to a freshly cut green lawn. His head is down as he is consumed with his smartphone.
Oh, thatâ??s not Jimmy #2. Thatâ??s Jimmy. This is Jimmy #2-
The shot pans down to a gray poodle whom somehow also has an air of ego about it. The dog is standing next to Jimmy.
You see, everytime that Chris began to envision the right words to think or the right mindset to have going into the match with Steven Holmes and Titus...
Titus... the legend whom he had so much history with; the man who first exposed him. In theory, Chris was who he was today because of that exposure. That accountability weighed deeply on him as a WZCW wrestler and person.
You see, every time Chris began to process this encounter, heâ??d step in a pile of-
CHRIS: Shit!
We see Chris look down at his foot squished into dog feces. Chris darts his face towards Jimmy & Jimmy #2.
CHRIS: What the hell, man? Your dog crapped in my yard again. You need to put that thing on a leash and pick up after it.
Jimmy lowers his shades at Chris in annoyance and then looks down at Jimmy #2. Jimmy #2 returns a look up at its owner.
JIMMY: Listen, I know you are new to the neighborhood, but Jimmy #2 isnâ??t required to abide by leash laws. Thatâ??s the perks of being the reigning Neighborhood Dog Show champ. And this weekend, Jimmy #2 will become a 2-time champion. Itâ??s practically meant to be.
JIMMY #2: Bark!
JIMMY: Now, if youâ??ll excuse us.
Chris shakes his head as he makes his way up to the garage as he drags his foot across the lawn. Astrid is in the garage. She takes the moving box that Chris carried up the lawn.
ASTRID: Meeting the neighbors?
CHRIS: Astrid, that dog has crapped in our yard nearly everyday since weâ??ve moved in. Itâ??s only been a week!
ASTRID: Well, while you are building a feud with a dog, Iâ??m just glad that we are almost done moving.
Chris looks at another box in the garage as Astrid sets the box she took from Chris on a table. Astrid cocks an eyebrow as she rummages through the box.
ASTRID: Chris, what are all of these VHS tapes for?
Chris perks up and runs over to the box.
CHRIS: Hey, thatâ??s my old WZCW box!
Chris reaches in and grabs some VHS tapes.
ASTRID: There are so many of them. What the hell?
CHRIS: Well, this was the only way to get footage on my competitors back in the day. I used to pop these in the VCR and watch tape on my opponents for hours.
ASTRID: Only way get footage? Didnâ??t you start wrestling in like 2010?
CHRIS: Oh my gosh!
Chris exclaims as he reaches in the box and pulls out a familiar friend, Steve the Volleyball. Chris turns Steve to face him. They share a smile that only friends with years of history could share.
ASTRID: You should show Riley. She would get a kick out of him.
Chris smiles and sets Steve down on the table. Chris and Astrid head inside of the house to fetch Riley. However, as the door closes between the inside and the garage, the vibration is just enough to send Steve rolling off the table and down the driveway. At the last moment, Steve vears into the grass. Unfortunately, Steve finds himself face-to-face with Jimmy #2.
Chris comes back out into the garage while holding Riley.
CHRIS: Daddy wants to show you an old friend of his. Actually, now that I think about it, Steve was there for me when I first fought Steven Holmes at Kingdom Come VI. That win was such a big milestone for me.
RILEY: Whoâ??s Steven Holmes, daddy?
CHRIS: Well he-
Chris comes to a screeching halt. He slowly sets down Riley. Out on the lawn, Jimmy #2 is swinging its head back and forth as it tears apart Steve the Volleyball. Honestly, if Riley hadnâ??t been there, Chris would have lost everything. EVERYTHING. The headline would have read: WZCW Letâ??s Go of Chris K.O. for Animal Abuse: Chris Punts Bitch Poodle That Murdered His Imaginary Volleyball Friend.
Chris was a dad now. He had to act composed in front of his daughter.
CHRIS: GET OFF MY LAWN YOU MANGY MUTT! *unintelligible shrieking*
Chris runs, waving arms and all, at Jimmy #2. Jimmy #2 scampers into the embrace of Jimmy, who just appears.
JIMMY: Uh, excuse me!
Chris drops to his knees as he tries to pick up the pieces of Steve.
CHRIS: Your dog destroyed my friend! I swear if that thing is not on a leash the next time I see it-
JIMMY: If you donâ??t like it, then show up to the Neighborhood Dog Show this weekend. Otherwise, get used to it!
Jimmy and Jimmy #2 walk away as Chris fumes over Steveâ??s status. Riley walks up to hug Chrisâ?? arm. After a moment, Chris glares towards Jimmy #2â??s direction.
CHRIS: Riley, weâ??re getting a dog.
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The scene shifts to Chris and Riley both on their knees, pleading to a sitting Astrid on a recliner in their living room.
RILEY: Iâ??ll feed it, Iâ??ll hug it, Iâ??ll kiss it, and I promise I wonâ??t cry when we take it back!
CHRIS: Itâ??ll only be the weekend, honey!
Astrid looks perturbed by all of the begging.
ASTRID: FINE! But, there are two conditions:
#1. You have to get a rescue shelter dog.
#2. No naming the dog, or youâ??ll get attached.
CHRIS & RILEY: Deal!
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Chris and Riley walk up to the counter at the rescue shelter. Chris addresses the rescue shelter worker behind the counter.
CHRIS: Excuse me, Iâ??m looking to borrow a dog for the weekend. You see, there's this conveniently-timed Neighborhood Dog Show that I need to win to settle an emerging feud with my suburban neighbor, so I can finally give my full focus to my upcoming match as a professional wrestler.
The shelter worker hesitates to speak for a moment, but then chimes in.
WORKER: Yeah, I can help you out.
We shift to three dogs sitting inside of a cage. The worker, Chris, and Riley view them from the other side.
WORKER: Alright, the first dog we have is a corgi. A royal dog, really. His blood runs deep with accomplishment. A pretty top-class dog.
Next, we have a Golden Retriever. This dog was bred for show business. Think of all the â??Air Palâ? movies with those dogs doing dunks and stuff. The Golden Retriever is a legend in terms of dog breeds.
Finally, we have this dalmatian and dachshund mutt mix. Honestly, I would not take that one. I just brought it to show you because it wouldnâ??t stop following me.
Chris rubs his chin in thought. He examines the dogs deeply.
CHRIS: What do you think, Riley?
RILEY: I want the one with the silly eye.
The dalmatian/dachshund mix hunkers down and tweaks an eye with a derpy face. Suddenly, a revelation comes to Chris.
CHRIS: Riley, you are so wise for your age. You think because the small mutt dog has heart, it can beat out these other dogs.
RILEY: No, I just like its eye!
WORKER: Dude, Iâ??m telling you. You cannot win with that one.
CHRIS: Because even though that dog is small, and maybe hasnâ??t accomplished as much, it still deserves a second chance!
WORKER: If you want to win, pick the Golden Retriever!
CHRIS: YEAH, MAYBE THIS SMALL DOG WILL SHOCK THE WORLD. ITâ??LL SHAKE THE CORE OF THE INDUSTRY! YEAH, HE HAS MOMMY AND DADDY ISSUES, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, DIAMONDS ARE MADE UNDER PRESSU-
WORKER: ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT DOGS ANYMORE??!?!
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The scene shifts to the Neighborhood Dog Show. The dog has a sticker name tag on it that says â??Hi, my name is ________â? to honor Astridâ??s wishes.
Chris nods at Riley and then nods at the dog.
CHRIS: Make us proud.
We get a montage of all the dogs competing with â??Who Let The Dogs Outâ? in the background. Jimmy #2 bench presses like 95 pounds. The mutt does a backflip over a hurdle. A bulldog stacks a series of red solo cups. Chris and Riley jump up and down as they cheer.
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Chris and Riley enters the house with Riley holding the mutt dog. They are laughing. Astrid greets them from the kitchen.
ASTRID: Did you win?!
CHRIS: Oh, no. We were dead last. It was fun, though.
Riley laughs as she plays with the mutt dog in the living room. Chris kisses Astrid in the kitchen, but then lets out a sigh.
ASTRID: Whatâ??s wrong?
Chris proceeds to grab a drink from the fridge.
CHRIS: You know, I just feel the pressure, but I just canâ??t bring myself to go about things the same way as I used to.
ASTRID: What do you mean?
CHRIS: In the past, I used to think about these matches with long-winded thoughts and, as odd as this sounds, the occasional monologue in an empty wheat field...
ASTRID: Thatâ??s not you anymore, though.
CHRIS: I knowâ?¦
Astrid walks over to Chris and wrap her arms around him.
ASTRID: Embrace the new. Look at us. Weâ??re in a new house. We have a new life. If you think you are going to find happiness by retracing your old steps, *cough* and watching your old VHS tapes *cough*, youâ??re wrong.
Astrid rests her head on Chrisâ?? chest.
ASTRID: I like the new you. I like to see you happy. I like to see you having fun.
Suddenly, Chris remembers what Haven told him on the plane.
HAVEN: If the stewardess comes around while Iâ??m asleep, tell her I want honey-roasted peanuts.
Wait, not that.
HAVEN: Have fun.
Chris smiles as both him and Astrid perk up at the sound of Riley laughing with the dog.
ASTRID: You know, it would be nice for her to have a friend here while you are on the road.
Chris smiles as he goes to Riley in the living room. Chris kneels down.
CHRIS: Riley, mommy and I decided that we are going to keep him. Youâ??re going to have a doggy.
Riley squeals in excitement as she hugs the neck of Chris.
CHRIS: But you have to name him if he is going to be a part of our family.
Riley thinks for a moment while she picks up the dog. She brings him over to Chris.
RILEY: Daddy, I want to name him for you. I want to name him Stevey.
Chris gets goosebumps and tears up as his daughterâ??s choice brings back all the memories he had with Steve the Volleyball on the island. No one will ever know how much Steven saved Chris from-
RILEY: Just like your friend Steven Holmes from Kingdom Come VI!
Chris is shook as a cold sweat breaks over his forehead.