"Take me down to Panama City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, why won't you please take me home? Ya yeah!"
- Remarkable Mark Keaton
Remarkable Mark Keaton drove the rented station wagon in Los Andes heading towards the Los Andes Mall, he was chain smoking heavily and sweating profusely in the heat, his white muscle shirt soaked. The young lad who was dragged behind his motorcycle in his last RP was riding with him. Mark owed him a favor and needed a camera man anyway. The lad was covered in bandages but he was alright, he turned on his handheld camera and pointed it at Mark, he made a motion with his finger that they were rolling.
"Hey wrestling fans! Mark Keaton here with a very special segment I like to call - On the Street with RMK- echo!" Mark flicked a smoke out of his window and smirked at the camera. He put on his right turn signal and turned the car into the parking lot of the Los Andes Mall.
"We're here at the Los Andes Mall dudes and I'm gonna be talkin with all these regular folks about wrestling. You see, Callie Clark has her dozens of fans she'll be Twottering and Faceblogging all over so it's only fair that I gather a few dozens fans for myself man! Yeah!" Mark managed to do a doughnut in the parking lot with the station wagon then parked it near other cars.
Mark Keaton strutted towards the mall, the camera rolling as the young lad limped behind him, he must've had an injury to his leg in the last RP, who really cares anyway? He's just a no name lad right? Fuck that guy! They entered the busy mall.
Mark strolled up to a middle aged woman pushing a cart of clothing, "Yo, my name is Remarkable Mark Keaton and you're on - On the Street with RMK- Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
The woman opened her mouth to reply but Mark gave her no time, "Listen, I know you're a huge RMK fan. I can tell by the way your eyes lit up when I walked into the place. So my first question is, why am I so awesome?" He thrusted the mic into her face for an answer. She shook her head, not understanding English.
"I get it, I get it, you're flabbergasted because you're a huge fan. Hey, you want an autograph? I haven't done a wrestling autograph in forever man, here, I'll sign one of your shirts in your cart." RMK clicked a pen and grabbed a shirt from her cart, she grabbed it back and screamed in Spanish for help, she hurried away with her cart, cursing at him in Spanish.
"Ah shit, she's Italian or something. Huh! Who knew? Let's try somebody else." Mark continued through the mall, he spotted a teen talking with his girlfriend.
"Hey, hey kid? Mind if I ask you a few questions?" Mark put his arm around the teen's girlfriend and snickered, soaking the entire shoulder section of her shirt with his sweat soaked arm.
The teen looked confused and opened his mouth but Mark cut in, "Hey, you a big WZCW fan? You know we're in town yeah? Who's your favorite wrestler?"
The teen shrugged, he looked annoyed then grabbed his girlfriends arm, they both said something to him in Spanish as they walked away from him. RMK blushed then shook his head at the camera. "Does everyone speak Italian here?"
"Hey es malo?! Hey hombre', chew one of dem luchadores?" A fat, full bearded man called out. He looked like he hasn't washed in a few years and his greasy hair hung over his cheeks.
"Yes! Yes my friend, I am from WZCW. You might know me as Remarkable Mark Keaton!" Mark smiled wide and looked right at the camera as he walked towards the man.
"Si si! Live Maaaas! Matt Tastic!" The man punched the air in joy.
"Nah, nah I'm Mark Keaton," Mark pointed to himself, "RMK, you know, rock n roll man!"
"Si si! Matt Tastic rules, el te golpeara!" The man laughed loudly, emitting his bad breath towards Mark.
"Well, let's move on here. Ah, I see some hot chicks over by the canteen, let's stroll over and..."
"Mikey Stormraaaage, Live Maaaasss!" The smelly man continued.
"Sure dude, Live Mas. Piss off now thanks." Mark made his way to a group of attractive blondes gathered at a Smoothy Bar.
"Hey ladies, Remarkable Mark Keaton here, mind if I ask you a few questions?"
"Oh my god! Like, I'm a huge wrestling fan!!! I LOVE wrestling! You're totally that Mark Keaton guy!" The busty blonde put her smoothy down and hugged Mark, he could smell the booze off of her.
"The one and only babe, you see coming up on Meltdown, I'll be battling Callie Clark one on one and...."
"OH MY GOD!" All the women screamed at once, " we are the BIGGEST Callie Clark fans!!" They showed off their Callie Clark shirts.
Mark frowned, "That's nice. I hope you don't mind seeing her lose to me. She can't beat me, it's just one of those things that happens, doesn't matter what retarded costume she wears for her entrance, she can come out dressed as Condiment Man, Rainbow Girl, Matter-Eater Lad, Arm-Fall off Boy, Color Kid, Shit Brains Girl, Captain Skank Smell, I don't give a crap, at the end of the night she's getting a Voltron Suplex and I'm walking away the winner!"
The women were up in arms now, one girl swung her purse at Mark as he walked away, her friends held her back as she screamed curse words at him. Another girl got pissed off and threw her smoothie, but it hit the camera man in the back of the head, splashing purple liquid all over his hair and face.
"Dammit, this is not going well kid. Let's try to find at least one sensible human being in this mall!"
Mark lit a smoke and walked towards a large gathering near the center of the mall. A bunch of black women were wearing yellow skirts and black shirts with yellow lettering that read - #YOSOYFUNDADER A speaker just finished up a speech and the crowd cheered. Mark flicked his smoke and told the smoothie covered lad to keep rolling.
The woman speaker put the mic back in the holder and went to grab a shirt to show everyone, when she turned around, Mark was already at her mic. "Hello Los Andes mall patrons! Yeah!" The crowd didn't react.
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see you folks love the soy, and this fundraiser to raise awareness of soy is just what the doctor ordered, am I right?! Give me a Fuck Yeah!" Mark raised his fist, the few that understood English had their mouths wide open in shock. Mall security ushered Mark off of the podium and they accidentally bumped the Camera lad who fell right on the buffet table set up, crashing through it and getting taco's and cheeses all over his shirt and pants. Mark couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing.
The camera lad gathered himself and turned the camera back on. Mark couldn't find anyone remotely interested in talking to him so they left the mall. They cut a final interview on their way back to the station wagon.
"Listen, hey, Camera guy, keep the camera on my face O.K? Ya, up here. Listen, let me tell ya somethin dude! On Meltdown at The Duran Duran Arena in Panama City, Panama, Remarkable Mark Keaton will be fighting the one and only Callie Clark, one on one for the first time ever man! Now I've been doin my research on these Cos playin nerds that like to play dress up and pretend they're larger than life super heroes. You see, these stupid ass cosplayers are wrecking the U.S economy! You don't see smart Canadian's like myself dressing up and pretending I'm Captain Cannuck do you? NO! No effing way, Jose! These loser's that show up at Comic Con's dressed up like Anime character's are draining their BUDGET in the cost of their extremely expensive costumes! They want to look like the Hollywood version of Batman, not Wal-Mart Batman. What could they be doing instead? Something more productive you say, man? Sure, how about GETTING A JOB AND CONTRIBUTING TO SOCIETY! You're a young girl, watching your heroine Callie Clark on television dressing up like Doctor Who and you say to yourself, hey, I can be Doctor Who too, instead of a REAL DOCTOR! Callie Clark is creating a virus of disillusion to these kids and somebody has to put a stop to it! And that somebody is YOUR HERO, your REAL HERO, Remarkable Mark Keaton. With me as your leader and wrestler to look up to, you'll feel obligated to work harder, find a job and nix the stigma Callie Clark has put on the youth of today, you aren't worthless loser's like everyone is sayin dudes, I believe in you. For the youth of today, I will slay the evil Clark, she will be battered, beaten and LAY at the feet of REMARKABLE MAAAAAAARK KEATON!!!!"
