Instead of the usual theatrical opening with pyro and high budget videos, the show opens on a solemn commentary table.
Copeland: Ladies and gentlemen, in recent days, rumors have been swirling about the closure of WZCW. It is with a heavy heart that I am here to announce that those rumors are indeed, true.
The voice of WZCW shows some break in his voice, one of the few time sin his career he has done so. His longtime broadcast partner puts his hand on his back.
Cohen: You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, and you don't grow to the best wrestling promotion in the world without stepping on a few toes and makes some enemies. In WZCW's constant push to bring you cutting edge and hard hitting action, we have made a few miscues over the years. Some on air, some at official WZCW sanctioned events, and some simply on the shoulders of the talent themselves on their own time.
Cat Connor gives Copeland an additional pat on the back before she speaks.
Connor: While WZCW was able to secure funding for a series of final shows thanks to a legendary figure from its past, the truth is that thanks to a long list of fines and complaints, WZCW has lost their advertising money as well as seeing the resignation of much of its board of directors.
Copeland composes himself as he pulls out a sheet of paper.
Copeland: The list of complaints and fines includes, but is not limited to -
Mr. Baller being beheaded.
A Nazi with magic Jew Gold
Armando Paradyse being on Kingdom Come.
Multiple murders by former Mayhem Champion, Vega.
Multiple murders and alleged mafia ties by Anthony Mancini.
Drug dealing also by Mancini.
Child abandonment by Mancini.
Mr. Baller having his head chopped off.
Mohammed Hasheem blowing up buses.
USA using waterboarding and other torture techniques on innocent civilians.
Milenko chaining people up at his carnival.
Multiple on air and recorded uses of the word 'Fuck.'
Barret Stratton beating and humiliating women, after the Vixen days.
The Vixen Division.
Multiple uses of racial slurs, including the n-word, by superstars such as Sincade.
Multiple instances of cultural appropriation.
Baller being decapitated.
Suspected alien rape.
A coffee cup was knocked over.
Stereotypes such as Bruce Irwin, Oleg Rasputin, and Stevie Broon, among others.
Gratuitous nudity and sex scenes.
Baller having his head punched off.
S.H.I.T. breaking into government facilities.
Numerous instances of violence against Leon Kensworth and Backstage Bob.
An on air gay kiss....BY MEN!
Annual Roulette Rounds and a Lethal Lottery designed to encourage gambling.
Angel killing an orphan.
Serafina seducing multiple superstars and generally being a ho.
Mr. Baller dying.
478 uses of the word 'retarded.'
The word 'Wrestle' being used twice in WZCW.
Amber Warren once refusing to say 'Bless You' after Chuck Myles sneezed.
The name of the flagship show Meltdown being a reference to both mental health declines and faulty nuclear power plants.
Mass confusion as to the proper pronunciation of the letter 'z'
Numerous occurrences to black magic, voodoo, and occult dealing.
Multiple kidnappings.
The Saudi Arabia disaster.
Mr. Baller losing his head.
And Titus kicking a man square in the balls.
Both Jack Cohen and Cat Connor look uncomfortable.
Copeland: But thanks to the wealthy donor, we are able to host a final series of shows to crown final champions, and it kicks off tonight with, WZCW Zero Hour: Complete Mayhem!
