WZCW Zero Hour: Complete Mayhem

[Yaz]

Instead of the usual theatrical opening with pyro and high budget videos, the show opens on a solemn commentary table.

Copeland: Ladies and gentlemen, in recent days, rumors have been swirling about the closure of WZCW. It is with a heavy heart that I am here to announce that those rumors are indeed, true.

The voice of WZCW shows some break in his voice, one of the few time sin his career he has done so. His longtime broadcast partner puts his hand on his back.

Cohen: You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, and you don't grow to the best wrestling promotion in the world without stepping on a few toes and makes some enemies. In WZCW's constant push to bring you cutting edge and hard hitting action, we have made a few miscues over the years. Some on air, some at official WZCW sanctioned events, and some simply on the shoulders of the talent themselves on their own time.

Cat Connor gives Copeland an additional pat on the back before she speaks.

Connor: While WZCW was able to secure funding for a series of final shows thanks to a legendary figure from its past, the truth is that thanks to a long list of fines and complaints, WZCW has lost their advertising money as well as seeing the resignation of much of its board of directors.

Copeland composes himself as he pulls out a sheet of paper.

Copeland: The list of complaints and fines includes, but is not limited to -
Mr. Baller being beheaded.
A Nazi with magic Jew Gold
Armando Paradyse being on Kingdom Come.
Multiple murders by former Mayhem Champion, Vega.
Multiple murders and alleged mafia ties by Anthony Mancini.
Drug dealing also by Mancini.
Child abandonment by Mancini.
Mr. Baller having his head chopped off.
Mohammed Hasheem blowing up buses.
USA using waterboarding and other torture techniques on innocent civilians.
Milenko chaining people up at his carnival.
Multiple on air and recorded uses of the word 'Fuck.'
Barret Stratton beating and humiliating women, after the Vixen days.
The Vixen Division.
Multiple uses of racial slurs, including the n-word, by superstars such as Sincade.
Multiple instances of cultural appropriation.
Baller being decapitated.
Suspected alien rape.
A coffee cup was knocked over.
Stereotypes such as Bruce Irwin, Oleg Rasputin, and Stevie Broon, among others.
Gratuitous nudity and sex scenes.
Baller having his head punched off.
S.H.I.T. breaking into government facilities.
Numerous instances of violence against Leon Kensworth and Backstage Bob.
An on air gay kiss....BY MEN!
Annual Roulette Rounds and a Lethal Lottery designed to encourage gambling.
Angel killing an orphan.
Serafina seducing multiple superstars and generally being a ho.
Mr. Baller dying.
478 uses of the word 'retarded.'
The word 'Wrestle' being used twice in WZCW.
Amber Warren once refusing to say 'Bless You' after Chuck Myles sneezed.
The name of the flagship show Meltdown being a reference to both mental health declines and faulty nuclear power plants.
Mass confusion as to the proper pronunciation of the letter 'z'
Numerous occurrences to black magic, voodoo, and occult dealing.
Multiple kidnappings.
The Saudi Arabia disaster.
Mr. Baller losing his head.
And Titus kicking a man square in the balls.

Both Jack Cohen and Cat Connor look uncomfortable.

Copeland: But thanks to the wealthy donor, we are able to host a final series of shows to crown final champions, and it kicks off tonight with, WZCW Zero Hour: Complete Mayhem!

[Yaz]

A voice over from the famed documentary filmmaker Werner Herzog plays.

When you think of WZCW there's a pocket hidden that is chaos, some would say Mayhem and since it's inauguration the Mayhem Championship has been Mayhem.

The first champion was Hall of Famer Steamboat Ricky â??The Father of Mayhemâ? who started off the insanity. Defeating Ben Legend and The Maxx, he was able to cement a legacy of anything goes, as long as there's a table involved.

One on one, scramble or 24/7 it had a reputation of always being â??a clusterfuckâ? which is why it had such a cult following within WZCW.

Whilst seen as a lower tier championship the amount of Hall of Famers who have held it is a surprise. Steamboat Ricky, Everest, â??Showtimeâ? David Cougar, Tyrone Blades/Ty Burna, Matt Tastic, John Constantine, Titus Avison and Mikey Stormrage make eight!

Matt Tastic has the record of the most reigns at five, just defeating vacant. It had a reputation of vacant being the number 1 champion but weirdly the title was only vacated four times.

A set of brothers held the title, Alex and Cory Bowen (AKA Milenko) whilst traditional misfits have also held the title. This includes Cardiff Cam, Doug Crashin, Mr. Baller, Ferbian, Conor Reese and even Armando Paradyse.

What Mayhem will we see tonight? The only guarantee is someone is going through a table and we will crown the 55th champion!

[Yaz]

Backstage El Swago is stood with two scantily clad women.

El Swago: Swag! Swag! Swag!

He points at the two ladies who begin to twerk. Then out of nowhere Ben Meldon and Mr. Morality James Chillingham enter the fray with giant sackcloths. They put them over the girls.

Meldon: Down with this sort of thing.

El Swago freezes.

Morality: Move along people, nothing to see here.

Meldon grabs El Swago and forces him out of the way. Mr. Morality is left with the two girls. The cameraman follows Swago and Meldon. In tha background you see Morality take the sackcloths off the girls and links arms with them as he walks off.

Morality: Once again it's time for everybody to come aboard the...

He realises the camera is still on and whispers.

Morality: I'll see you later girls.

[Yaz]

Darkness. A familiar voice can be heard. A light shines on him to reveal it's Milenko

Milenko: Brother! You've returned to help me say the goodbyes. We'll go in as a team, the Bowen's, and we'll take the Mayhem title. Either that or I'll lose my shit at you. Any questions before we go?

The light reveals Alex Bowen.

Alex: Fuckin' Magnets, How Do They Work?

Fade to Black.

[Yaz]

Big Bad Roadie is hungry, as ever. Before the Mayhem match he decides to go and get a burger.

Roadie: I'd like to order, uh, three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, and 17-piece order of your Good Chunks and, okay, on two of the Junior Good Meals, I need to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies. Now, don't fret if that's extra; I'll pony up the overage. And, uh, oh! On the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion.

The camera looks up to reveal Keith Kole serving.

Keith Kole: Welcome to Goodburger home of the Goodburger, can I take your order?

Roadie: Oh forget it. Big Roadie has a match to win.

Roadie storms off and behind him is The Dark Order Creeper. He bumps into Roadie.

Roadie: Who are you?

The Dark Order Creeper: Mah name Jeff!

Keith Kole: Oh fuck it, I'm in.

Kole hops over the counter and begins to run backstage. Fade to black.

[Yaz]

Backstage Bob is standing by catering when three ominous shadows appear from behind. He slowly turns to see three giant men standing behind him. Grindhouse, War Zone, and Jabari Kasim all tower over him.

Without their usual handlers and shepherds, Grindhouse and Jabari are especially dangerous. Jabari grabs Bob and lifts him in the air. The helpless punching bag cowers as Grindhouse reaches out. He grabs the popcorn Bob had in his hands and walks away. Jabari then places Bob to the side and grabs an entire deli platter and walks away. War Zone looks over at Bob, who is extremely confused. The massive War Zone then reaches down to the table, his massive frame blocking the camera. He then turns to Backstage Bob, who flinches as War Zone extends his hand. Bob looks through his fingers and sees that War Zone has made him a turkey sandwich. Bob reluctantly takes the sandwich.

War Zone: Sorry about that, those two can be really scary. I mean neither of them really talk. They just lumber around like monsters. They aren't bad guys, it's just, what can you really expect from guys raised in an abandoned movie theater and by a secluded African tribe? Sometimes it feels like they should have never been brought to WZCW, but what can you do?

Bob shows an uneasy smile as War Zone shrugs his massive shoulders. He turns to walk away when Bob starts to talk to a crew member who was watching off camera.

Bob: Hey Vlad, whats up?

War Zone hears the name of the Russian sound guy and charges and tackles him through the craft services table.

[Yaz]

Alhazred can be seen talking to a mannequin with a Diobolos mask. He has the powerglove in one hand and a staple gun in the other.

???: That's a nice glove you got there. would be a shame if it were to go missing.

The alien known as Krypto runs into frame stealing the powerglove and runs around the corner until he is caught by Alhazred's on and off again bodyguard Facecrush McSpinesmasher. The 7 foot tall giant brings the alien back to the scientist and hands him back the powerglove.

Alhazred: Did you not learn at Kingdom Come V that aliens are not meant to have this technology!!!

The scientist goes to staple Krypto in the face until Facecrush stops him.

Facecrush: No more fighting, only friendship now.

Alhazred: What?! Never!

Krypto: I concur, watch your back flaccid human.

The alien walks away as Facecrush shakes his head.

[Yaz]

Backstage Bob is walking along and out of nowhere a hi 5 is planted on him. It's Just Carl who has a huge smile on his face.

Carl: Bob! Tonight's the night, I will win the vacated Mayhem title and will go on to win all the other belts to be the grand champion. I can hear the crowd now. Carl! Carl! Carl!

He smiles as out of nowhere Noah Ryder appears. The crowd cheer.

Ryder: The Mayhem championship? I'm the Mayhem title.

Bob rushes off knowing what is about to come.

Carl: There is no Mayhem champion. Who are you?

Ryder looks puzzled.

Ryder: Good question, The Mayhem Champion, Noah Ryder. Although I have a poor memory.

Carl: You were never Mayhem champion.

Ryder looks even more confused.

Ryder: I must be the Elite Overweight champion then. Good times! See you later.

Ryder walks off as Carl starts his chant again. The crowd join in. Carl! Carl! Carl! Carl!

[Yaz]

Harrys: The following contest is a Mayhem Battle Royal for the Mayhem championship! Introducing first-

Just Carl makes his way on stage but before Harrys can finish the first introduction Carl is immediately blindsided with a trash can shot to the back of the head! He takes a massive tumble down the stage and it is revealed that the attacker is El Swago!

Cohen: OH MY GAWD!! Who is El Swago?!

Connor: This is ridiculous, this match hasnâ??t even properly begun!

Copeland: Something tells me itâ??s not going to Cat, right now itâ??s all Mayhem!

El Swago continues down the ramp dented trash can in hand as Carl struggles to make it to his feet. He turns around and gets blasted by another trash can shot before El Swago chucks him under the bottom rope into the ring. Swago doesnâ??t have too much time to capitalize however as the Morality Minders appear on the stage! Both James Chillingham and Ben Meldon make it clear theyâ??re heading to the ring but are immediately ambushed by the Swag Pack!! Joe Mason, Darren Bull, and Joe West ravage the two men with vicious chair shots flatteningt them on the top of the stage. El Swago laughs in the ring until Annie Halloway creeps up behind him with a swift kick to the nuts! El Swago shrieks out in pain and falls to his knees as the Swag Pack notices their leader is in trouble. They rush to the ring and are immediately met with a suicide dive from Annie taking all men out! She tries to enter the ring but is cut off by Alex Bowen! The Mayhem veteran squashes Annie between the barricade and upright table causing the wood to explode all over her!

Cohen: Oh great, this guy is back.

Copeland: If anyone knows about Mayhem itâ??s this man!

Bowen enters the ring and looks to stalk the injured Carl but the rookie plays possum before smashing Bowen in the face with the trash can lid! He delivers another shot for good measure before turning his attention to Swago who he repeatedly hit in the crotch with the edges of the trash lid. Joe West and Darren Bull enter the ring to neutralize carl and The Kings of Hate force Carl into a corner and begin stomping away on him. Meanwhile on the outside Joe Mason sets up a table on the outside. He then dives under the ring and begins to pour a bag of Jew Gold onto the table. He smirks deviously before the camera reveals the legendary Showtime is behind him! Mason turns around and Showtime immediately spinebusters him through the table and the Jew Gold! Showtime then slides under the ring and delivers multiple clotheslines to West and Bull before chucking them over the top rope. He immediately begins trading shots with Alex Bowen before the Mayhem veteran retreats under the ring to the outside to set up a table. Showtime follows and the two continue brawling. Carl and Swago begin to make to their feet as Keith Kole makes his way on stage! He clotheslines one of the Morality Minders and Piledrives the other on stage before sprinting into the ring and running wild on both Swago and Carl until West and Bull once again enter the ring and stop away on Keith and Carl. El Swago then shoves them both to let him in as he begins stomping away on both men. He barks orders at them baratingly until they both look to each other, then to Swago, and deliver a double swift kick to the nuts! Both men then pick up Swago and throw him over the top rope to the outside through the table Bowen set up!

Connor: Well El Swago is the first official person in this match to be eliminated. Looks like his swag pack didnâ??t have his back after all.

Cohen: Bars cat.

West and Bull exit the ring and proceed to pick up Jew Gold they stuff in their pants before heading up the ramp. They seem the Morality Minders coming to and proceed to attack them again and throw them down the ramp away towards the ring. They laugh theyâ??re both clobbered from behind by the Beard! The massive ovation begins from the crowd as The Beard throws Darren Bull off the stage into technical equipment! Bull gets electrocuted! Beard then grabs West and throws him through the titantron! He then proceeds to make his way down the ramp ignoring the injured Morality Minders and chokeslams Joe Mason once again on top of the table wreckage and Jew Gold! He slides under the bottom rope and clotheslines Keith Kole over the top and out of the match! Showtime disposes of Bowen on the outside and slides under the bottom rope to begin trading haymakers with The Beard. Bowen takes out a barbed wire bat looking to get revenge on Showtime until heâ??s cut off by Annie looking for some revenge of her own! She forces the barbed wire bat on Bowenâ??s face causing him to bleed ringside with some getting on a fan! The fan then punches Bowen square in the face! As security restraints and escorts the fan away Annie smacks Bowen in the back with the bat causing him to roll inside the ring.Carl spots an injured Bowen trying to make it to his feet and immediately drop kicks him in the face sending Bowen to the apron! Both feet havenâ??t touched the floor but Annie takes one last swing to Bowenâ??s face planting the barbed wire deep in him as Bowen fall the outside on top of Joe Mason and Jew Gold and out of this contest.

Connor: This has been just brutal so far, and I donâ??t think itâ??s going to get any better.

Beard looks to have Showtimeâ??s number as he tries to chuck him over the top rope but heâ??s saved by Noah Ryder! The once former champion has entered the ring and begins hammering away on Beard as Showtime joins and helps! The two nod to each other signaling an alliance as Carl and Annie look to each wondering who they should help. They donâ??t have much time to decide as the Gigantic Grindhouse makes his way down the ramp; He delivers a big boot to both Morality Minders before he is met on the outside by an overzealous Carl who gets chucked into the audience! Grindhouse then enters to multiple barbed wire bat shots from Annie! Grindhouseâ??s flesh becomes torn by all the hits but they donâ??t seem to be doing anything to him! Annie cautiouly swings once more before Grindhouse catches the barbed wire with his bare hands! He then snatches away the bat and breaks it over his knee! He picks up Annie with a Gorrilla press and chucks over the top rope through the announce table! The commentators canâ??t even react as the communications have been interrupted.

The feat of strength gets the attenton of Noah and Showtime who slide under the bottom rope offering Beard up as a sacrifice of sorts. Beard gets to his feet realizing what is going on and it doesnâ??t take long for the two big men to begin slugging it out and the crowd is loving it! Big haymaker after haymaker neither man is giving an inch but Beard seems to be getting the advantage over time. The crowd is behind him as heâ??s gaining momentum! He bounces off the ropes looking to hit a big clothesline but Grindhouse grabs the spare barbed wire from earlier and rakes it into Beardâ??s eyes! He then scoops him up into a gorilla press and throws himright on top of the Jew Gold for another elimination! The crowd boos as Grindhouse motions for Showtime and Ryder to enter the ring but they have no intention of doing so. Grindhouseâ?? attention is then turned to the entrance ramp as Big Bad Roadie runs the isle and into the ring. He is immediately met with a clothesline that turns him inside out! Grindhouse rakes Roadieâ??s face with the barbed wire while staring at Noah and Showtime before throwing him over the top rope. Grindhouse then turns his attention to Noah and Showtime again until Diablos hops on his back! The masked weirdo has entered through the crowd and is now repeatedly stapling Grindhouse in the face!

Copeland: Sorry about that folks weâ??re finally back here with you and it looks like Ricky Runn isnâ??t the only one using his masked alter-ego tonight.

Cohen: Ricky Runn wasnâ??t in this match you idiot, plus I have no clue who is under that Diabolos mask.

Diabolos continues to staple Grindhouse who canâ??t quite seem to get him off his back as Noah and Showtime setup a table on the outside. Grindhouse eventually gets ahole of Diabolos and throws him over the rope to the outside. Diabolos doesnâ??t seem to care very much and just staples the Morality Minders before heading to the back. The annoyed and now weakened Grindhouse is then jumped by Showtime and Noah trying to get him over the top rope but the strength of Grindhouse is just too much and he powers both men off! He then grabs Noah and proceeds to chokeshalm over the top rope and through the table to the outside!

Cohen: I think I just found my pick to win the whole thing.

The Dark Order Jeff Creeper then makes his way to ringside. He doesnâ??t enter the ring however, he just creeps. This confuses Grindhouse long enough for Showtime to try to mount some offense until Grindhouse powers him into the corner and begins choking him! Grindhouse looks to force the life out of Showtime until Theron Daggershieldâ??s music hits! The crowd erupts and Grindhouse lets go of Showtime and turns his attention to the ramp. Theron knows heâ??s in for a fight and begins to make his way down the ring. Grindhouse is focused but out of the corner of his eye he spots Carl trying to get back on the apron, he immediately delivers a big boot sending Carl back down the floor. Theron then slides in and delivers a Critical Hit! Showtime then delivers the C4! The big man is not staying down! Theron tries to go for another Critical hit but Grindhouse shoves him into Showtime and Grindhouse then clotheslines them both to the outside! The Dark Order creeper continues to creep but wonâ??t enter the ring. Grindhouse motions to go outside Jabari Kasim hustles his way down the ring. Grindhouse turns his attention to the big African man and another hoss fight breaks out! The fresher Jabari clearly has the upperhand! The crowd is begging for him to eliminate Grindhouse! Heâ??s about to chuck him out! But Grindhouse delivers a low blow! Grindhouse then tries to chuck Jabari over the top but the big African says heâ??s taken him with em! Both big man are strading the top rope and just a few seconds later the Dark Order creeper shoves them both over the top!

Copeland: By god whatever the hell that is just eliminated two of the biggest men in the match.

The crowd goes wild as Jabari shakes his head and Grindhouse is infuriated. The Creeper celebrates in the ring with more creeping until Alhazred runs into the nails him with the PowerGlove! He then throws him to the outside where Grindhouse drags him through the crowd and to the outside. Alhazred stuffs the clearly visible Diablos mask into his tights as he does lewd gestures to female members of the crowd. Until out of absolutely nowhere Krypto drops down from the raptors right on top of the Power Glove and rips it off the mad scientist. Both the mad professor and the extra-terrestrial lock eyes like enemies destined to fight forever and immediately begin brawling in the middle of the ring. War Zone makes his way down the ramp hitting the Morality Minders with a steel pipe before entering the ring and immediately being thrown out by both Alhazred and Krypto! The short moment of teamwork doesnâ??t last as both men go right back to fighting until Carl slides back into the ring and uses the aforementioned steel pipe to smash both Krypto and Alhazred. He tries to get the smaller Krypto over the top until a hurricanrana sends Carl shoulder first into the post! Krypto and Alhazred then lock eyes again but their confrontation is interrupted as Milenko has blinded both men with a fire-extinguisher! He then takes a kendo stick he brought with him and begins caning both men till their skin begins to peel. He especially takes aim at Krypto who yells out in pain. Milenko then rolls under and breaks the stick over Carlâ??s head who is still stuck in the ring post.

Cohen: Iâ??ll be honest some of this is getting hard to watch.

Milenko takes out a bag of thumbtacks from under the ring and slides under the bottom rope. He deviously looks at Krypto until he turns around and his stapled by Alhazred! Milenko yells in pain before shoving a thumbtack right into Alhazred! Alhazred once again staples Milenko! Milenko shoves another tack into Alhazred! They keep going back and forth until Chris K.O. scales the top rope with a step ladder and dives right into both men taking them down! K.O. picks up the step ladder and nails Krypto! Then nails Carl causing him to fall through the ropes and to the floor. The crowd is happy to see him but it doesnâ??t last long as Callie Clark nails him in the face with a steel chair! She looks to throw Krypto out until Grindhouse begins to make his way back to the ring.

Connor: Why is he back? He was eliminated!

Cohen: I donâ??t think he cares Cat.

Grindhouse enters the ring as Callie Clark slides under the bottom rope and Grindhouse proceeds to double chokeslam K.O. and Milenko. He then looks to Krypto and Alhazred, the two enemies then look to each other, Krypto tosses the scientist the powerglove and the two charge full force at Grindhouse! Itâ??s not enough to overpower him however as she shoves them both away. He stalks his prey until Alhazred begins to motion to the ramp. Grindhouse looks behind him and Facecrush McSpinesmasher is making his way down to the ring!

Copeland: Business is about to pick up!

Facecrush gets in the ring and immediately the two big men brawl. Shot after shot! Fist after fist! Neither man is giving an inch until Alhazred staples Grindhouse in asshole! Krypto then delivers a running headbutt to Grindhouseâ??s crotch! Facecrush then picks up Grindhouse and takes him to the top rope rope! The crowd looks on in horror as Facecrush bodyslams Grindhouse through the ring! The ground shakes causing both Alhazred and Krypto to fall and Callie Clark pulls down the top rope eliminating them both! Callie gets back in the ring avoiding the giant hole in the middle and eats palm slam of thumbtacks from Milenko! He turns around into a superkick from K.O. The veteran then chucks Milenko over the top and follows up with a clothesline taking Callie out of the match as well!. Kagura comes out of nowhere and mists K.O. in the eyes! She then takes him over the top and begins celebrating in victory! The ref waves it off however and tells her that the Morality Minders have not been eliminated. The battered competitors finally make it into the ring and Kagura easily tosses their lifeless bodies to the outside. She then celebrates again until Carl comes out of nowhere and throws Kagura over the top! Carl is the last man standing!

Before he can process what just happened, there is a commotion in the crowd. Suddenly someone jumps the barricade and walks onto the ring apron. He has a hood revealing his face and Carl readies for a fight. The man pulls his hood off and as he does, his head falls to the ground. The mystery man was Mr. Baller. His head rolls around the floor as his body falls limply off the apron.

Harrys: Here is your winner, and new MAYHEM CHAMPION, JUST CARRRRRRLLLLL!!

Copeland: I honestly have no idea what I just witnessed but I think itâ??s good for everyone that itâ??s over.

Connor: Even better for Carl who is our new Mayhem champion and will move onto the final four later this week.

Cohen: Grindhouse was robbed. Absolutely disgusting.

Carl celebrates in the ring with the championship title but thinks again and leaves the ring before anyone else shows up.

[Yaz]

CREDITS:

Dynamite: Match
Lee: Segments
Yaz: Opening, Segments

We hope you all enjoyed the first night of our series of final shows!