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Thread: Erick Rowan's Pet Spider

  1. #1

    Erick Rowan's Pet Spider

    WWE, for fuck's sake.

    Does the WWE not realize that it's a VERY bad thing to fail horribly, but in doing so nobody is left shocked? Like, if Ricochet had a heel turn and became mini-Fiend or something like that. We'd groan, gripe, and get over it very quickly because in the end we've had our expectations bull-dozed before.

    Erick Rowan, the WWE's poorly crafted version of a high-functioning Eugene, has been spooking us with an animal cage that's covered with a rag from a burlap sack. If anyone DARES peek into the cage that he brought there and left on the steps, he goes full Hulk Smash on your curious ass. Hmm, alright.

    Then one day Erick forced one of his hapless opponents to see what's inside the cage, and the jobber had his face covered in a red mist that might have been meant to convey that his face was bitten. Umm, okay. So the WWE seems to want us to buy into a concept that looked really fucking stupid when it was only weeks old, they want us to buy in so badly that they apparently planned for this saga to continue up until yesterday's RAW.

    One twist occurred before yesterday, Erick was apparently bitten. So he took out his rage by slamming the cage onto the steps repeatedly.

    During all of this, Matt Hardy jobbed to Erick Rowan. Because I guess that the problem with this god awful angle was that Erick Rowan wasn't over enough, or something.

    So yesterday, it happened. Remember when we found out that JRs sister-in-law shot him? What about when it turned out that Maggie shot Mr. Burns? When Hogan was revealed to be the third man? Yeah, this was none of those.

    Erick Rowan's pet, is a fucking robot spider. Now, there is a such thing as the Goliath Bird Eater that can grow to roughly a foot in diameter. I feel like I'm giving the WWE too much credit here. Assuming that Erick has stable enough nerves to handle a giant tarantula, that thing was obviously not alive.

    I don't feel like some dork at a movie theater screaming "FAKE! YOU CAN SEE THE STRING!". I feel like a perfectly average professional wrestling fan who's seen the absolute worst of professional wrestling, and has forgiven the greatest sins of WWE creative.

    This...will...not...stand.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spidercanrana View Post
    If the internet has taught me anything, it's that a show is either touched by God's mighty pen or Satan's diseased penis.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnviousDominous View Post
    So yesterday, it happened. Remember when we found out that JRs sister-in-law shot him? What about when it turned out that Maggie shot Mr. Burns? When Hogan was revealed to be the third man? Yeah, this was none of those.
    This confuses me .The Hogan turn us viewer as possibly the number 1 shock of all time. I'm not sure on the reaction f the Who Shot J.R. I remember reading about it when I was younger as it was a phenomenon at the time but I always wondered why anyone would shoot good old J.R. Maggie shooting Mr Burns, from my understanding, is viewed as one of the moments that killed The Simspons along with Seymours Skinner is an imposter. Anyway, I'm rambling.

    I wondered what was in the cage and they had me intrigued. They should have never revealed what was in the cage. A spider...

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jeff Deliverer of Mail's Avatar

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    At least it wasn't Hornswoggle again.
    Frank: Ludwig?!
    Goon: Drebin!
    Frank: Yeah, I'm Drebin!
    Goon: I have a message for ya from Vincent Ludwig!
    Goon: Take that, you lousy cop!
    Frank: I'm sorry! I can't hear ya! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!

  4. #4
    The Eighth Legged Wonder Spidercanrana's Avatar
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    At least Swoggle would've been real, lol.

    On some Jake "The Rubber Snake" Roberts shit y'all. Get away. Save what sanity you have left and jump ship, fellow adults.

  5. #5
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    What's crazy is this same show featured McIntyre looking like a killer vs Lesnar and the best heel in the best feud (Orton vs Edge).

    WWE features the best of wrestling and the worst of wrestling, often in the same night.

  6. #6
    Currently Between Feds smarkmouth's Avatar

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    Absolutely brilliant. Would spider again. 10/10

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  8. #7
    Senior Member Fallout's Avatar

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    I would have popped if it was Spidey all along.

    "We are not entitled to our opinions. We are entitled to our informed opinions." - Harlan Ellison (1934 - 2018)

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  10. #8
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    I hope he talks.

  11. #9
    While I didn't know exactly what it'd be, I did know it'd turn out to be something goofy to borderline outright stupid. I mean, what else could it have been? Rather than do this, I'd have rather they had Rowan pull out a little Pomeranian puppy from the cage, have all the fans in the arena gush and awe over it, turn Rowen into a lovable, mid-card beast and bring Puppy to the ring as a mascot. If they weren't going to do anything serious with it, and I don't really see how they could have, that's what I'd have done and at least gotten some sort of positive reaction and spin out of the whole thing.
    "What Do I Know Of Cultured Ways, The Gilt, The Craft And The Lie?
    I, Who Was Born In A Naked Land And Bred In The Open Sky.
    The Subtle Tongue, The Sophist Guile, They Fail When The Broadswords Sing.
    Rush In And Die Dogs - I Was A Man Before I Was King."


    Conan Of Cimmeria

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  13. #10
    Senior Member Jeff Deliverer of Mail's Avatar

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    The spider is probably a pet of The Feind's puppets, therefore Rowan joins the gang.
    Frank: Ludwig?!
    Goon: Drebin!
    Frank: Yeah, I'm Drebin!
    Goon: I have a message for ya from Vincent Ludwig!
    Goon: Take that, you lousy cop!
    Frank: I'm sorry! I can't hear ya! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!

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