I uhh, umm. Sometimes...the thing is...I...I want to...you know...things and...other things.
Do you ever feel a sneeze coming on that you know is going to be so epic that you seek privacy in preparation for the inevitable "AHCHOO!!" that will thunderously erupt from your head, and then it just fades into nothing and you get a runny nose anyway?
Give me a break here, I feel like I'm reacting to Tony Khan shitting his pants in church and everyone is more annoyed with me for being shocked by it. Not only that, but as I sit next to Tony, smelling his rancid feces, he's trying to save face by telling me how shitting his pants in church is part of some plot by the ghost of Levi Strauss to falsely advertise that if you shit your Levis then your shit will be teleported to another dimension. All I'm trying to do is respectfully worship Baphomet, and I have to deal with that swill.
In a nutsell, Tony fucked up. It was his show, it was his underwhelming reveal that he had signed "Nobody gives a flying fuck" as his mystery future Hall of Famer signing, and he could have given us closure by delivering on a promise to blow up Jon Moxley in front of our very eyes.
AEW gave us...*poof*. Jon Moxley was understandably irate that he wasn't lying in a puddle of scattered human remains, that would literally be the only way he could free himself from this fucking stupid and pointless "Impact vs AEW" angle. So...Tony decided to turn this negative into a...who really fucking knows...by indicating that we should all blame Kenny Omega.
Really? So...Kenny deliberately screwed the AEW fanbase out of their just closure for a seriously fucking stupid PPV up until that point? Oh no, what happened was Kenny THOUGHT he was setting up enough explosive to scatter pieces of Jon Moxley all over the ring and into the laps of the fans in attendance, but in his stupidity he only purchased the required equipment to introduce WCW's version of The Ultimate Warrior and thought that it would be enough to get the job done.
I get it, Tony is trying to save face. He sold Revolution mostly on the massive tease of seeing The Undertaker or Brock Lesnar potentially debuting, and somewhat on the idea that we were going to watch Sting tear it up once more like we remember him doing 25 years ago. Both selling points failed tragically for anyone who paid $50, and hilariously for anyone named Vince McMahon. The ONE thing we fans knew that wasn't going to fail was this massive showdown between Jon Moxley and Kenny Omega. There was no nuance to it, we were going to see a motherfucking EXPLOSION.
And now Tony is pointing the finger at Kenny Omega shouting "There's the man who shit his pants! My pants only have poo in them because I put them on after Kenny Omega shit in them! Boo!"
Are you as gutted as I am by what transpired last night? Let's find courage in tales of each other's misery.