Spidey's Snack Shack | Cult/Horror Review & Recipe Thread

[Yaz]

Bought it, watched it twice, saw no deeper meaning past, Peter Jackson writes a cannon King Kong universe zombie story where a guy kills zombies with a lawnmower.

This is cannon in that universe by the way.

[Spidey]

For real? Huh. I wonder if that island of rat monkeys harbored one with Gigantism.


It's time I reinvented an old recipe here at The Diner. I've whipped up quite a batch of Horror lately with the occasional romp in drama and dystopic, and I'll tell you what - I need a change of pace. Time for me to kick my multiple legs up and take it less serious around here. Time for me to pull something out of the ol' icebox here up front and tickle my sweet tooth. Time for me to relax my spoopy mind and think back on the good old days of white Broncos evading the police at 40 mph. The days of Michael Jordan returning to the NBA toa hero's welcome. Back before there was such a thing as a Pokemon.

Back when moviegoers thought Alicia Silverstone was the future...but that's, like, whatever...


Come back soon, my friends.

[Spidey]

#24: Clueless

Theatrical Release: July 19, 1995

Appetizer: US Billboards Top Song At The Time

Click for Spoiler:

"Waterfalls" by TLC (July 8 - August 19, 1995)

Clueless is the retelling of the fantastic Jane Austen novel Emma but now set in Southern California. It's a coming of age RomCom about a young socialite in search of a boyfriend. This film is a cult classic, mostly receiving positive reviews. Famous for popularizing the phrase "As if!" (you know you've heard people say this), and for also placing Alicia Silverstone in the Who's Who of Hollywood at the time. Clueless also starred Paul Rudd and Brittany Murphy. It made 56 Million at the Box Office - more than triple its budget. There was also a TV series, a musical, and various books based on the movie. Obviously a nostalgic time capsule of a flick, but does it hold up?

Well, duh. Excellent casting across the board. Alicia is remarkably likeable playing a spoiled rich highschooler on top of the social ladder. Rudd is always charming, and Brittany was in her element as the ditz-turned-social monster. It's strength lies in its dialogue, and I couldn't help but chuckle throughout. Amazing how dumb acting characters can smartly turn a phrase here.

Though this movie isn't without problems. Major issue I had was all the voice narration. Most of the time it added nothing but an attempt at a joke here and there. Baaad Diary of a Mad Black Woman vibes there. If I can follow what is going on if I muted the scene, then I don't really need the character telling me how they feel or what they're about to do. Also the lingo felt forced at times. I know it was going for that blurred line of funny because they're making fun of the stereotypes, but still that can be a little grating. Cher also falls in love with someone that I feel is a tad too close to home and I can't press on that very much without spoilers, but to be clear the Austen novel was different in that regard.

Still, it doesn't take itself seriously and I enjoy that. This is not Mean Girls but it holds up well with the amount of great quotes it has. May wanna wash this one down with a glass of milk.

💀 💀 💀 1/2

---

Tonight's Special: Chocolate Chip Cookies

"Whenever a boy comes you should always have something baking."

INGREDIENTS (48 Servings)

3/4 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup packed brown sugar

1 cup butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 egg

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 package (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips (2 cups)

1 cup coarsely chopped nuts, if desired


1. Heat oven to 375º F.

2. In large bowl, beat granulated sugar, brown sugar, butter, vanilla and egg with electric mixer on medium speed or mix with spoon until well blended. Stir in flour, baking soda and salt (dough will be stiff). Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.

3. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls about 2 inches apart onto ungreased cookie sheet.

4. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until light brown (centers will be soft). Cool 1 to 2 minutes; remove from cookie sheet. Cool on wire rack.

[Yaz]

Legit question here. I do like Clueless, but how can you say it holds up with the forced lingo? The lingo was a big part of why this film is remembered, but no one (well almost no one) still uses those phrases. The film is still solid, I can still turn it on and get a kick out of it, but the dialogue and lingo here is just a tier above Mallrats for me in regards to how horribly it has aged.

[Spidey]

I don't mean the lingo held up. It was a bit cringey when characters made the W finger sign while exclaiming "Whatever!" and don't get me started on Dionne's boyfriend. But other bits of dialogue were fantastic. Cher correcting Josh's girlfriend on Shakespeare for instance. Or Cher's vanity played for laughs. "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as finding meaning in a Pauly Shore movie" was golden. I thought the conversations the characters had were loaded with cleverness I didn't expect from characters that could be described in a few words. I can see why you wouldn't like it, it is a time capsule and to compare it to RomComs today it hasn't at all aged well (though there were bits about homosexuality that wasn't made into a joke and it should get brownie points for that).

I wouldn't say the quotes outside of "As if!" are memorable or anything, but they were decent stuff for a high school flick. Then again my experience with these kinds of films range from psycho killers to Mean Girls and that's about it.

[Spidey]

WATCH PARTY


Silent Night Bloody Night (1972)

This time of year is a busy one for your hash-slingin' arachnid, so instead of serving up a new order right away, we're gonna have ourselves a little party. This year I'm going with the non-classic called Silent Night Bloody Night. Eventually I'll get a review up for it, but for now all patrons are more than welcome to watch it with me and draw their own conclusions on whether it sucks or not (public domain!). Do you dare press play and risk watching a terrible movie? It is in your hands my friends.

Seasons Greetings from my little diner on the edge of town to yours. Santé!

[Spidey]

#25: Silent Night, Bloody Night

In Theaters: November 17, 1972

Appetizer: US Billboards Top Song At The Time

Click for Spoiler:

"I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash (November 4 - November 25, 1972)

Silent Night, Bloody Night aka Night of the Dark Full Moon aka Death House (or Deathhouse) is an American horror that brings to mind the slasher genre but also has roots in psychological drama. Set during Christmas Eve, a man inherits his family's estate that was once a mental correctional facility. A string of murders happen shortly after. This movie is notable for having a cast that were in the famed artist Andy Warhol's inner circle - Mary Woronov, Ondine, Candy Darling, Kristen Steen, Tally Brown, Lewis Love, filmmaker Jack Smith and artist Susan Rothenberg. This movie should not be confused with Silent Night, Deadly Night (I made that mistake) and is in the public domain.

It is also notable for being one of the first horror films to use the "telephone call to the victims" trope seen in movies such as Black Christmas, When A Stranger Calls, One Missed Call, and Scream.

Ever watch a movie where you kinda trudge through, see blips of brilliance, and poof, the end? That's how I felt watching this movie. It was serious enough to not fall under camp, but it was also not serious enough to give enough realism to its characters. Atmosphere is impeccable minus the bad lighting when it's shot outside in the night. Acting wasn't great but it wasn't laughably bad - in the end I kinda wished it would be. This horror is fairly conventional with a mystery killer murdering people mostly off-screen. Outside of the two big twists in the film (and they're pretty great, but not decent enough to want to sit through this movie again),it was all played up more like a made for TV movie. I have a pet peeve about narration that tells us something we can figure out on our own visually, and this flick does it repeatedly.

Those blips of brilliance come to the viewer through flashbacks and even though it tried to give the flick some subtext about mental health, it wasn't enough to deliver a proper message. Conflicted, even. At the very least, I found the last ten minutes or so fairly riveting though I wished there was more bloody build.

For me, this movie didn't have enough period. It confused itselg into being a soap, a gothic tale, a horror, and a budding slasher but not enough to leave any lasting impression on any of the aforementioned genres - save the phone calls. To put it bluntly, it made me yearn for the end. If you were one of those that attended the Watch Party, I'm so sorry. I thought this one had the psycho Santa Claus guy in it.

May want to pair this one with eggnog. It's marked down, cuz it ain't Christmas no more.

💀 1/2

---

Tonight's Special: Old Fashioned Fruitcake

It's a holiday treat that's not really a treat. Also, a synonym for people suffering from their cognitive faculties.

INGREDIENTS (Serves 16)

1 Cup Butter, Softened

2 1/2 Cups Sugar

6 Eggs

2 Tablespoons Brandy Flavoring

4 Cups All-Purpose Flower

1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon

1 Teaspoon Nutmeg

1 Teaspoon Salt

1 1/2 Pounds of Ready Mix Candied Fruit

1 Pound Seedless Raisins

3/4 Pound Candied Pineapple

3/4 Pound Whole Candied Cherries

2 Cups Pecan Halves

Light Corn Syrup And Pecan Halves (For Garnish)



1. In a large bowl, beat butter, sugar and eggs with an electric mixer until fluffy, adding eggs one at a time until yolk dissapears. Stir in flavoring.

2. Sift together next 4 ingredients and mix thoroughly with butter and egg mixture. Work the fruit and nuts into batter with hands. Grease and flour a 19" tube pan.

3. Fill pan 2/3 full with batter. Bake at 275° for 3 hours. One-half hour before cake is done, brush top with corn syrup. Decorate with pecan halves and finish baking. Cool. If desired, place cake, wrapped in a wine-soaked cloth, in an airtight container. Store in a cool place for several weeks; this blends and mellows the cake.

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

Grab some rope and tie yourself in for a left turn into absurdity. Don't forget to leave a tip and kick some ass for The Lord.

The above quote is great Spidey. Thanks for reviewing Dead Alive. One of my favorite Comedy/Slasher/Gross out movies ever.

New request: The original Poltergeist!

[Spidey]

#26: Spring Breakers

In Theaters: March 15, 2013

Appetizer: US Billboards Top Song At The Time

Click for Spoiler:

"Harlem Shake" by Baauer (March 2 - March 30, 2013)

Spring Breakers is an American crime film starring James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, and WWE Hall of Famer Jeff Jarrett in a cameo. A flick that stands at 66% Fresh with 38% of movie goers liking it on Rotten Tomatoes, a 5.3 on IMDB, and a 7.3 on IGN. On the surface, one of those movies you either love or you hate it.

For me, I thought it was great. I'm a big fan of the way it was filmed: half of Spring Breakers is shot in a dreamy "music videoesque" way while the rest is a static, unfiltered reality. Really offsets the lengths the girls take to have a good time. Audio and video played a lot with sensory - film itself does not have a deep plot, but taking in the scenery and listening to the soundtrack Skrillex provided did carry it and I was never bored. Editing and sound were A+.

Acting was fair, with a few good/bad standouts. Franco put in excellent work as Alien the rapper, Gomez (Faith, the only other protag with a name watchers could easily remember), did well balancing out the morality gap the film doesn't take long establishing. The other co-ed characters were fair too, slipping further and further into something akin to a Grand Theft Auto parody. Only person I wasn't very impressed by was Archie "Big Arch" played by Gucci Mane. While I do think the overall superficiality of characters like his is THE point, much like Alien being a baller that [REDACTED], the acting wasn't worth writing home about.

To what lengths are we willing to take in order to be a part of some fantastical, hyped up self-imposed legendary event like Spring Break? For me this was an American Dream story, where a few girls pursue what's really just a fleeting sensation while cold reality keeps up with them at almost every turn. "Just pretend it's a video game" is a line that puts things in perspective for me, the girls that take the risks needed to achieve that Dream move through the movie as if they were video game characters heading for the final boss fight. They are devoid of any dimensions to their being other than the ones we expect from some Rockstar creation. Numb caricatures that barely have names. I thought that was intentional, and Spring Breakers was just showing what it saw as the Millennial American Dream on overload. We presumably want to be the guy/girl in the games or the music videos, popping off guns and getting with the beautiful people, doing drugs and getting lost in our celebrated consumerism like Alien repeatedly saying how this is our shit. Social commentary is there if not a little too on the nose at times.

Worth a spoonful if not a whole bowl. Here's something sweet.

💀 💀 💀 💀

---

Tonight's Special: Homemade Strawberry Ice Cream

A pink treat that's visually appealing with a simple to grasp palate.

INGREDIENTS (Serves About 1 - 1 1/2 Quarts)

6 large egg yolks

2 cups whole milk

1 cup sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups heavy whipping cream

2 cups crushed fresh strawberries, sweetened


1. Place egg yolks and milk in the top of a double boiler; beat. Add sugar and salt. Cook over simmering water, stirring until mixture is thickened and coats a metal spoon. Cool.

2. Add the vanilla, cream and strawberries. Pour into the cylinder of an ice cream freezer and freeze according to manufacturer's directions. When ice cream is frozen, transfer to a freezer container; freeze for 2-4 hours before serving.




Poltergeist is on deck, Jeff.

[Spidey]

#27: Poltergeist (1982)

In Theaters: June 4, 1982

Appetizer: US Billboards Top Song At The Time

Click for Spoiler:

"Ebony And Ivory" by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder (May 15 - June 26, 1982)

Poltergeist is an American supernatural horror film directed by Tobe Hooper of Texas Chainsaw fame and produced by Steven Spielberg. Nominated for three Academy Awards, this film also spawned two sequels and a remake. Unsurprisingly has a cult following. It also has the whole controversial "curse" thing revolving around several cast members' deaths that happened comparatively to one another. This movie borrows heavily from the Twilight Zone episode "Little Girl Lost', and, aside from maybe TCM, this film is the most popular to be reviewed in The Snack Shack. I doubt I could do this any justice, but here we go.

I hate using the word "overrated". It's a trump card played only by people who find themselves in the minority and want their criticism to eclipse the majority's enjoyment of things. When Jeff asked me to cover this, I admit I didn't really feel up to it with how often people have reviewed this film. That's why this took so long, this and other projects. When I first watched Poltergeist in my teens, I thought it was another Spielberg flick about family sentimentality with a few horror scenes thrown in. I almost waved this off as an overrated film without revisiting it. I'm glad I decided to rewatch it. While I do think this was one of the more upbeat horror movies ever made, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Plenty of tension and the horror is the stuff that does stick with you. Who can forget the clown? The bathroom scene? The tree? The pool? I didn't appreciate this film enough the first time, but now I can see how it affected so many. Scary enough. A little long, maybe. But I earnestly believe tension should be stretched out, and stretched it was. Maybe it is a tad cliché for modern audiences sure, but then again it helped revolutionized many ghost movies that came after - including The Conjuring.

Casting was excellent to be full of unknowns at the time, and lighting/special effects were exactly what you'd expect from Spielberg. Honestly I don't really care for the musical score in this, but it does have a Spielberg/Joe Dante magic whimsy to it so it's flat out hard to hate.

There is the deconstruction of the American Dream at play here, and how a bit of that figuratively and metaphorically was built on top of the dead. The father being associated with real estate just to see his house get wrecked was a fun jab at the housing market and maybe a quiet knock at capitalism too.

When asked to do this film, I was ready to talk about all the Native American stuff. How the house being built on top of an Indian Burial Ground would be ripe with subtext. Hell, the Freelings are the quintessential suburban white family (give or take a pot smoking scene), and for them to come face to face with the horrors of the past would be great to talk about. Emphasis on would be....because there was no Indian Burial Ground in the movie. It was just a cemetary. There was even a line that stated outright that it wasn't tribal burial ground. Talk about a Mandela Effect.

Poltergeist is fun psychological trauma for the whole family. If you're looking for some good ol' ghostly scares, they're here.

💀 💀 💀 💀 💀

---

Tonight's Special: Homemade Apple Pie

A wholesome, family-oriented treat sure to leave a pleasant taste in your mouth.

(This recipe can still work with a lattice pie crust, which is the style I prefer.)

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
6 to 7 cups thinly sliced peeled tart apples
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Pastry for double-crust pie (9 inches)
1 tablespoon butter
1 large egg white
Additional sugar



1. In a small bowl, combine the sugars, flour and spices; set aside. In a large bowl, toss apples with lemon juice. Add sugar mixture; toss to coat.

2. Line a 9-in. pie plate with bottom crust; trim even with edge. Fill with apple mixture; dot with butter. Roll remaining crust to fit top of pie; place over filling. Trim, seal and flute edges. Cut slits in crust.

3. Beat egg white until foamy; brush over crust. Sprinkle with sugar. Cover edges loosely with foil.

4. Bake at 375° for 25 minutes. Remove foil and bake until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbly, 20-25 minutes longer. Cool on a wire rack.