I feel like one of these is warranted from me. I owe a lot to this place, and I did not treat WZCW and its members always like the family and friends I try to remember it as. I've had time to reflect during my time away and, in full transparency, a comb through the WZCW discord showed me that I needed to apologize for several things.
If you started the fed after my time, I hope my post will show how this fed can develop a special place in your heart, but you need to treat it and its people like any other relationship.
If you were in the fed during my time in any capacity, this is for you...
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I want to formally apologize for a few things during my tenure as a fed member. I'll start with the top and make my way down.
First, at times, I was needlessly nit picky and many times a downright ass in my dealings with the fed. I feel like my pestering, pitching, and hunt for perfection rubbed off in a way that made this place not fun for a few. I stole that joy from people during stints of my run as a regular member and creative member. I shamefully apologize. To me, that is 100% one of my biggest screw-ups; taking joy out of something that is a creative outlet. I'm sorry for that.
To be a little more specific...
Lee, I did not treat you with the respect I feel like you have earned. I was jaded and entitled. When we ran a program, you got me at a time that I can see now was at my peek doucheness. I think if I had to deeply analyze it all, I was probably jealous. Jealous of your history, presence, and importance to the fed. In the end, I think I wanted that so bad. I wanted to be remembered as one of the greats. I was an idiot and self-centered. I'm sorry Lee.
Falkon, I was way too hard on you. You didn't deserve the shit you got from me. You were a fine HoC. You brought stability to that position. I was so eager to jump to the top, I forced myself to look for and point out every small error. The truth is that I thought I could do a better job. I was a fool and unfair to you. I'm not sure if you are a part of this fed anymore, but I owe you a giant apology because I subconsciously painted a distorted picture of your legacy to people. I'm sorry Falkon.
Yaz & Shotaro, I abandoned our friendship. You both were always so kind to me and offered rational thoughts to my ideas. You both were one of the few people in the fed I discussed non-fed topics with like the NBA and games. I feel as though I wasted your time and disregarded how much your friendship meant when I went dark and didn't keep in contact. I'm sorry Yaz. I'm sorry Shotaro.
Ty, Funkay, Dave, Killjoy, Dynamite, Spidey, and many more I'm sure I am forgetting. I owe everyone in the fed during my stint some type of apology on various levels. I apologize for issues such as: mentally slighting some for their RP talent, not being a team player, being too harsh in terms of critique, and just being a needless dick at certain points in the fed history either in discussion or creative direction.
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To address some key events during my stint...
Creative - When I was on creative (3 runs I believe), they got the best and worst from me. I really poured all that I had to make everything I submitted wonderful. I did it for the love of the fed, entertainment of others, and for my own satisfaction. I took criticism personally and found myself constantly comparing myself to my peers. This is an unhealthy character flaw and personal issue I am still working on. Though, I believe that I am in a much better place with this than I was those years ago. Being a teacher has given me a healthy confidence and has taught me a lot about receiving feedback constructively. I'm sorry to past Creative Teams.
White Knight Gimmick - You hated it. I hated it. I wanted so bad to become "THE GUY" that Ty had given me the rub for at the end of our feud. I am proud of many things I did creatively, but that was not one of them. I took criticism that it didn't work so personally that I drove the character and myself into a mess. I can really only say that it was MY bad creative idea, and I'm sorry to everyone that cringed through the entirety of it.
Asking for HoC back - This moment was a low in so many ways for me. I want to preface what I'm about to say by saying that I am not trying to make an excuse at all. Everyone has baggage and personal difficulties, but I just want to paint a full picture for you and me. My uncle committed suicide a little bit after I took over as HoC. He was not in the best mental state and had tried to call several of his nephews, nieces, and siblings the day before. Everyone, including myself, did not pick up the phone. I felt as though I had let someone I love die. It left a pit inside my stomach. Also, for the first time in my life, I felt as though I did not know how to help my mom. She would cry and cry and cry. To be honest, it's left a void in my mom's heart that has been difficult to watch ever since then.
I felt as though I could not continue doing anything else other than going to work. I resigned as HoC and everyone was very respectful and understanding of the situation. Looking back, I wish I would have just taken a break (but perhaps I would have never learned my lesson). After a few months, I found myself wanting to write again. I wanted to process my feelings about everything. It was at this point I exposed myself as the selfish and egotistical person I had become in the fed. I was welcomed back with open arms on Creative, but I made a request that I am embarrassed by to this day. I told them I would only come back if I could take back over as HoC or 2nd-in-command. That request was rightfully denied. I'm sorry for how I handled the entire situation.
There are some other semi-notable events during my time like my "Shia Lebouf - I'm not famous anymore" shtick. That was nothing more than "I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about me anymore" phase. I know I dished out a lot of harsh criticism during that time. I remember reading someone saying "Kermit is doing that thing where he is right, but being a dick about it." My tone was needlessly harsh and idiotic during that period. I'm sorry for that portion of my fed career and to anyone I discouraged during that time.
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I wanted to be very candid with this apology. I was in the wrong in many cases. At this point, this apology will only reach its full effect if I display my change in approach to the fed. Once again, I'm sorry for all the bad to everyone personally and the fed as a whole.
Oh, and to end a self-created mystery, my real name is Dylan.
Cheers.
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